Life

It was a beautiful early Winter's night yesterday, lit up with the silvery pale moonlight of a gorgeous moon accompanied with a solitary star and me, on it's journey into the night along the vast sky.
                                                         I just sat mesmerized, immersing myself in the slowly unfolding magical spectacle of nature. I let myself break free from the turbulent ocean of my everyday life, stepping into the flow of calm serenity of the peaceful night. I sat at peace with myself, at peace with life and all that it puts me through, with nothing but a warm sense of serene peace and calm within me.
                                                         It wasn't the first time I was experiencing this delight, but everytime I do, it makes me feel as if in these moments, life is whispering in my ears
                                                       ' Dear child, I never left you alone, that I am right here walking beside you, watching out for you every single minute. And that  I know that you have been walking the tough road for a while now, but tonight u can let go off your cares, while I wrap u in my embrace, tend to your wounds, fill u with joy and rejuvenate you. Tonight just breathe in, this peace, and let it heal you.'
                                                        These are the moments when, I let go and become a child, while life takes me in it's arms, listens to the dreams, the yearnings and the longings of my heart, slowly soothing me, giving me strength and hope to bring some true, and courage to let go the one's that have shattered.
                                                        These are the moments when I am thankful for being so blessed and loved. The moments when I am just happy to be, when I am not running after something or running away from something. In these moments I live life moment by moment, wishing that the night would just not end, that the day would never begin, that each moment would last forever.
                                                        In these moments, I know that I am richer than anyone else, because, even if these last for just a little while, and are rare to come by, in these moments I experience something more precious, than any treasure in the world could buy.
                                                   
                 These are the moments that make life worth all the sweat and toil it comes with. After all, no journey is complete without potholes and no journey is fun without a little rendezvous with adventure.

So, tarry on dear traveler, May life take care of u always and may love never leave u alone in your journey.
                                           

Things to do before I die

There are somethings that I have always wanted to do in my life. A few experiences that I have romanced with as ideas ,always dreaming that I would live them too someday.

Some of those dreams turned into reality, but a reality in which I found myself lost, before, I could finally figure out that I was actually living my own dreams that had come true.

 They taught me an important lesson, that, dreams do come true, but it is not necessary that they will come true just like I had imagined them. So, it is always important to remember our dreams, so that when we see them again with eyes wide open we don't forget them.

That is why, some days when I find myself moving far away from dreams, when something in my hearts tells me that my tiny little dreams (Ok! some which are bordering on madness) are fading away, I jot them down in my little list of 'Things to do before I die', the list which started off as a little one is now growing rapidly, but it is a precious reminder to me of the innocence that still lives within. Because dreams are precious, u never know which little one, just might change the course of your life, I cannot afford to loose mine.

I was making a tiny addition to that list tonight, when I just wondered why do I continue making this list longer, I found my answer in what I have shared above.

Keep dreaming, Keep living, and finding the dreams that come true in the Jigsaw puzzle called 'Our life'

दौड़

जो ना मिला जीवन में,

पीछे उसके दौड़ते दौड़ते

ज़िन्दगी निकल जाती है

अंत में बस मुठी भर राख रह जाती है ||

पा लेने को तो,

सारा जहाँ है, 

पर अंत में सबके हिस्से 

बस छे ग़ज ज़मी ही आती है||

बैंक- बैलेंस, गाड़ी, बंगला, नौकर- चाकर...

चाह का अंत है नहीं कहीं |

पाने को ख़ुशी जीवन में

दो पल सुकून के ही काफी हैं ||

My love

That smile,

which begins slowly at the corner of his lips,
unfolds petal by petal, like a blooming flower
erasing, as it travels, the worry laced wrinkles lining his forehead,
wiping off the scowl from his face and the piles of concerns from his mind,

That smile,

which travels from his lips,
lights up his heart , shines from within his eyes
and gazes at me from within his distant voice,
however long it lasts,

That smile,
is my love,
my life's joy,
my soul's wish within my every prayer.
His smile.

The story of an Unending Love Affair

This is how it all started,


When a series of unconnected happy and unhappy incidents and memories after travelling through a soul, sprung from within it, tiny brooks of emotions, which within the con-volutes of a mind, finally knotted together in a string of words......and when the desire of those words wanting to make themselves heard, finally led someone to hold in their hand a pen and paper.....

That is how it started, the love affair between,  the ink and the paper, when they first met each other through the stroke of a writer's hand, and began weaving together the yarn of their love....

And that yarn just kept growing, turning sometimes, into a happy and at others a sad love story or a poem or  a song. Sometimes into a musing, sometimes into biography, sometimes into a partly written or hurriedly scribbled incomplete piece of writing.....

but always echoing from within it, the whispers of a soul.

15th August 2011

15th August 2011

64 years since the stroke of midnight, when India, the Nation and it's people achieved their Independence, after a long and hard fought struggle.

64 years since, the pioneers of freedom struggle, who with the belief in their hearts and minds, that, a free people, who have witnessed the tyranny of being enslaved, would understand the true meaning of Independence, and cherish that understanding and freedom of free decision making, to make choices that would help every person live their life self righteously, upholding their beliefs and ethos and, thus, creating, A society and ultimately A nation, where they can do so freely without being forced to compromise their integrity and choices by the whims of a choicest few, gave to the people of India the gift of Independence.

64 years since, An entire nation and a society has collectively watched that dream fade away into the muck of  individual and progressing Corruption, which has swept far and wide through every aspect, be it bureaucratic, politics, economic, infrastructural, judicial, of the largest democracy in the world.

64 years to this day, where situation has come to a pass, that this entire nation is ravaged into a serious debate on how to bring accountability in this 'Democracy' of the people, by the people and for the people, by creating an Institution called as The Lokpal Bill, to bring about corrective measure.

The Lokpal Bill, is basically a proposition to create an independent body called,  The Lokayukt, that would be empowered to speedily investigate, any matters of irregularities brought to it's notice, without the need of prior government permission and thereafter submitting a report for action. 

The Debate that is going on is because : 

1) Of the lack of consensus on some proposals in the drafts of the aforesaid bill, as proposed by the Govt. Of India and that proposed, by a group of activists working for the cause, spear headed by a Gandhian, Anna Hazare. for example - whether to bring The higher judiciary & The prime minister within the preview of the bill?

                                 - the kind of punishment that should be decided once a person is found guilty, 

                                  - the kind of powers and autonomy that the lokayukt would have, 

                                  -how the lukayukt/lokayukt committee would be elected And 

                                  -how will the Lolayukt execute their proposed powers.

2) Because their is a doubt in the people, As to how can a Lokayukt maintain integrity in a rotten system, which in the first place led to the need of a Lokayakut. A fear in the minds, that Lukayakut might just end up joining the ever enlarging list of failed/corrupt institutions and because of the inherent structure of the bill, even an Independent and unchecked body of corruption.

The purpose of this post is neither to debate the Lokpal Bill, it's worth, or which group of thought is right or wrong, nor to go into the depth of issues concerned with it, rather it is to highlight a more important and alarming fact, which has been lost in all this ruckus..

                 That yes, there is no denying that 'Fighting corruption', is probably the biggest and most important problem that lies before our Nation today to continue it's functioning, but what is more important is, is addressing the root cause from where this monstrous growth is arising, and that is   :

" An overall degradation in the ethical and moral structure of the very people which constitute this Nation.  It is the time when we as individuals need to turn within ourselves for a major introspection. An introspection, of our ever enlarging egos, for our growing lack of respect for value of hard work, of our unchecked wants beyond our earned means, because we live in a nation which is suffering, in every aspect, with the problem of too few resources for too many people creating a wide divide of those who have a lot and those who have meager none."

And Unless this happens, bring as we many as we might laws, institutions, the monster of corruption shall fail to be defeated. And even as I write, I fully understand how naive and theoretical this suggestion sounds, I would still suggest, look into the individual that lives within,  remember that Individuals and societies coexists in a balance that forms a nation. That a nation moves on the wheels of it's individuals and not vice-versa. We can continue to lie to ourselves, continue justifying our wrongs in the names of need for survival in a worthless system, but the truth is, that We ourselves are responsible for the worthlessness of that System.

                     The choice lies with us. And there always is a choice. It's for us to choose now.

This independence came at the price of the blood of millions and we owe not just to them but to the generation that shall come after us, the answer to the question as to 'What we did with a legacy we were handed?'

Me and The struggling myself

It's been a while...I have been struggling with myself...I have been bugged, bothered, angry, low, disgusted...with myself, with if not many then atleast a few people around me....I have been struggling to find comfort, peace and understanding about myself and my life....none are coming....I tried drowning myself in work....It did not work....I tried drowning myself in books, in random things, cooking, painting...even plainly doing nothing....but nothing worked.....

                          My problem basically is and I think always has been that " I Want..."

I always seem to be wanting...I have....but I want more than what I have, if I don't want more then I want answers...I am just obsessed with wanting, never content forever ranting.

I have parents, who love me and care for me...but I want more...I want 'em to understand me...I want 'em to look at life through my eyes..appreciate my perspective, which is seemingly different from their own...and still love & care for me.....the conflict arises I try and talk..but I am too impatient and a bit angry and they are too unyielding, one thing leads to another..and the struggling begins...

I have people around me who care...who are around...but I want more...I want friends who I can count on...whom I can share with....on whom I can assert..I can't find any..I feel let down...and I wish...

I wanted to be a doctor...I am one...I don't want to be just a doctor...I want to be so much more..do so much more..be an artist, a writer, a dancer, a cook, a violinist, a kindergarten teacher, a traveller....I feel I made a wrong choice stepping into the shoes of a doctor..not 'cuz I lack the expertise..but 'cuz I lack the devoted consistent commitment to be a doctor...I feel lost...I feel foolish, unsure....and I struggle..

And then again..I just wonder why do I struggle so much with my life...I know I have more than many...why can't I take it as it is, like so many others do and go on...Why can't I remain happy with what I have?...I have learnt that life always knows the best for it's children, it puts us through only that much which it knows we can carry and it puts us where..we can do best what it wants us to...knowing and understanding all this...I still struggle with life...'cuz I just don't seem to find answers for why is all that is happening, happening...could life not have found a better and perhaps an easier way...I don't seem to understand a few things, why in the first place did life had to make me so discontent ...I struggle to understand...

I came across this post http://suz-beginagain.blogspot.com/2011/07/from-may-sartons-well.html today and a few questions started to make sense....
                 
                         Life I believe works through distillation i.e. the process of first heating a mixture to separate the more volatile from the less volatile parts, and then cooling and condensing the resulting vapor so as to produce a more nearly pure or refined substance......
                                           
 In life's processing the mixture is us, you, me all of us....it works on us slowly...separating the more volatile (in our case useless, maybe even harmful bits of our characters) from the less volatile (things that are better for us, making us less prone to self combustion!!!)....gradually and gradually cooling us through it's cold, at times harsh ways till the time is right.....to bring to light the refined, pure being that lies beneath all the muck....the being that It knew lay within, the being it had faith in , a faith that never wavered.


All we need to do is believe in the faith that life has in us...hold on to life's persistent prodding hand...not to struggle against life's flow...but to flow with it, I have struggled against the flow reached where I wanted to, only to learn, that it would have been better had I flown along...to believe that even if we can't see it at the moment...the road lies just beyond the next bush obscured from our sight...to just keep walking step by step, holding on to the faith...that


                          "Life like all mothers, knows the best for each of it's children and will always take care of it's children, it will let go only when it knows that we can handle the road that lays ahead and even then, it will always be just behind us to pull us up on our feet, if we shall stumble"


I know easier said, than done....but I shall keep the thought in my heart, hold on to it when nothing shall seem like....and struggle on instead of despairing....I shall keep moving. 


                                                    I Will Believe