Saturday, December 19, 2009
Just another day.
Four and a half years ago a group of 65 students all eager, thrilled, filled with hopes, dreams and anticipation, began a Journey together, as we walked down the road to the medical school on the First day of our MBBS course, The Journey of our professional medical life....me being one of them.
The person who walked down to the college that first day, was a child, bubbling with enthusiasm and bursting with energy, to be finally able to make a Dream come true. Unaware of What the world would hurl at me? Unaware of What life would teach me? and Where my little steps would take me? All I wanted was to become a Doctor, and heal the pain and disease, I saw around me.To make a difference into the life of someone who was suffering, by Turning their pain into a smile.
Today is that day (almost, since I have good chances of clearing my final Prof), with the dream of which We had all set out. But, It's not the end. In fact it's just the beginning of a longer and tougher Journey that will last our Lifetime. The start of being a "Doctor"...a Journey to serve Human Life, with the best of our abilities. It's one of the most Pious, most satisfying jobs .Those of you who are reading this Post, can't even imagine, What your Doctors go through to be there for you, and fairly so, because after all we have in our hands, The fate of a "Human life".....
These past, Four and a half years, have been the toughest, harshest and the cruelest years of my life...I have paid a price to live my dream...I do not know, if it was a price too high..but I do know that, I am no more the same child who had begun this Journey. The child is still there, the dream is still intact, but that child has been chiseled by the strokes of life. The innocence has been tutored by the harsh touch of this World. The child though still laughs and plays, but, it mostly stays hidden from the eyes of the world.
I had three incidents today.
The first was when I got up and walked out of my room to greet the day, and saw the sun slowly coming out from behind the clouds, illuminating the sky with it's shy bright smile and, A bird flying towards the sky to embrace the heights. In that moment, I felt the same thrill that I'd felt on the First day of my college life....and my heart told me, That today is the end of one phase of my Medical life and the beginning of another, though my heart is filled with fear, uncertainties and challenges unknown, Just as it had on the First day, It's raring to go out and meet them all, just as the bird which had spread it's wings fearlessly and flown into the arms of the sky, To meet the unknown with the best I can give.
The second incident was, The Zeal, to live that my Patient of today, A child of 10yrs who suffers from Nephrotic Syndrome and gets admitted to the Hospital about four times a year shows and is all smiles with anticipation of what life has to offer, and in the same Ward I saw a patient die an hour later. And I realized that I have gone through 4 years of this hell and I would go through a life time of it and that I would willingly go through that hell, for the faith that, the little child had in me and in Life, to give that Life a chance against death.
The third incident involved a beautiful bunch of flowers that I saw, set in a vase in between the patient I mentioned above and the dead child. Those flowers, some how caught my attention, they gave me sense of calm, hope and assurance with their sweet colorful presence in midst of all the rush, chaos and tension, as if they were telling me "This is what you are in the life of these patient, your calm, expert assurance as a Doctor, brings the same relief in their troubled life...."
And, then it was over the last practical exam of Final MBBS for me, I have pictured this day countless times, I had always pictured it as a very special milestone in my Life, a feeling of exultant achievement and happiness of finally enjoying the fruit of years of hard work, but I was never prepared for this feeling of, nothingness that has engulfed me ever since I got over with the practical...and then I remembered all these three incidents I'd today and reminded myself of what they'd meant to me.
Thus, Even though I do not know, Whether I am capable enough to shoulder the responsibility that I have on my shoulders now as a budding Doctor, though I am feeling lost in this vast Ocean of Uncertainty and my own doubts...I'll always remember these three incidents and this one - Once on a Daily round with my Unit, An Old lady, who was the patient of our Unit had held my hand, and told every Doctor present there "She is my Doctor", when I told her that I was just a student Right now and others were Senior Doctors, She had firmly held my hand and said "I know, But one day you will be one of them and then you'll be my Doctor"... So, I am going to hold on to my dream, keep believing in myself , the faith on myself, that the Old woman had and I shall try to be the Doctor I started out to become.
The person who walked down to the college that first day, was a child, bubbling with enthusiasm and bursting with energy, to be finally able to make a Dream come true. Unaware of What the world would hurl at me? Unaware of What life would teach me? and Where my little steps would take me? All I wanted was to become a Doctor, and heal the pain and disease, I saw around me.To make a difference into the life of someone who was suffering, by Turning their pain into a smile.
Today is that day (almost, since I have good chances of clearing my final Prof), with the dream of which We had all set out. But, It's not the end. In fact it's just the beginning of a longer and tougher Journey that will last our Lifetime. The start of being a "Doctor"...a Journey to serve Human Life, with the best of our abilities. It's one of the most Pious, most satisfying jobs .Those of you who are reading this Post, can't even imagine, What your Doctors go through to be there for you, and fairly so, because after all we have in our hands, The fate of a "Human life".....
These past, Four and a half years, have been the toughest, harshest and the cruelest years of my life...I have paid a price to live my dream...I do not know, if it was a price too high..but I do know that, I am no more the same child who had begun this Journey. The child is still there, the dream is still intact, but that child has been chiseled by the strokes of life. The innocence has been tutored by the harsh touch of this World. The child though still laughs and plays, but, it mostly stays hidden from the eyes of the world.
I had three incidents today.
The first was when I got up and walked out of my room to greet the day, and saw the sun slowly coming out from behind the clouds, illuminating the sky with it's shy bright smile and, A bird flying towards the sky to embrace the heights. In that moment, I felt the same thrill that I'd felt on the First day of my college life....and my heart told me, That today is the end of one phase of my Medical life and the beginning of another, though my heart is filled with fear, uncertainties and challenges unknown, Just as it had on the First day, It's raring to go out and meet them all, just as the bird which had spread it's wings fearlessly and flown into the arms of the sky, To meet the unknown with the best I can give.
The second incident was, The Zeal, to live that my Patient of today, A child of 10yrs who suffers from Nephrotic Syndrome and gets admitted to the Hospital about four times a year shows and is all smiles with anticipation of what life has to offer, and in the same Ward I saw a patient die an hour later. And I realized that I have gone through 4 years of this hell and I would go through a life time of it and that I would willingly go through that hell, for the faith that, the little child had in me and in Life, to give that Life a chance against death.
The third incident involved a beautiful bunch of flowers that I saw, set in a vase in between the patient I mentioned above and the dead child. Those flowers, some how caught my attention, they gave me sense of calm, hope and assurance with their sweet colorful presence in midst of all the rush, chaos and tension, as if they were telling me "This is what you are in the life of these patient, your calm, expert assurance as a Doctor, brings the same relief in their troubled life...."
And, then it was over the last practical exam of Final MBBS for me, I have pictured this day countless times, I had always pictured it as a very special milestone in my Life, a feeling of exultant achievement and happiness of finally enjoying the fruit of years of hard work, but I was never prepared for this feeling of, nothingness that has engulfed me ever since I got over with the practical...and then I remembered all these three incidents I'd today and reminded myself of what they'd meant to me.
Thus, Even though I do not know, Whether I am capable enough to shoulder the responsibility that I have on my shoulders now as a budding Doctor, though I am feeling lost in this vast Ocean of Uncertainty and my own doubts...I'll always remember these three incidents and this one - Once on a Daily round with my Unit, An Old lady, who was the patient of our Unit had held my hand, and told every Doctor present there "She is my Doctor", when I told her that I was just a student Right now and others were Senior Doctors, She had firmly held my hand and said "I know, But one day you will be one of them and then you'll be my Doctor"... So, I am going to hold on to my dream, keep believing in myself , the faith on myself, that the Old woman had and I shall try to be the Doctor I started out to become.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Being me
If someone who knows me and has met would have seen me an hour ago...they would have wondered what was it that was making me so distraught..'cuz it's takes something massive to make sit around quietly sulking!!!! (the chatterbox that I am)....I was very upset because I was feeling disappointed at the total failure of a few plans I'd made.
And Then, just out of the blue, I heard one of my friends mention " The Lion King"...and I remembered those two immortal words "Hakuna Matata" meaning " No worries for the rest of your days"...and I was laughing again lost in the world of "Timon, Pumba and Simba" .....when just 5 mins back I'd no intentions to smile for the next couple of days!!!!
After this I started listening to the song " Yuhin chala chal rahi ~ Swades" and, While I was humming along with the beats, all I wanted to do was to own a Caravan Traveler and get on the road and start travelling...and there again I was dreaming about a trip, When just a minutes ago I had decided not to even think of the word travel.....and I was laughing on myself !!!!!
It was then that I realized this....I end up with so many disappointments everyday, and they all mostly happen because I am such an impulsive dreamer....I dream about so many things, just in the spur of a moment, and start pursuing those dreams trying to make them come true, forgetting that they are just dreams....My Dad used to say this to me when I was small " The reason you get hurt so much is because you spend so much time chasing your dreams ".....all this time I'av always remembered his words but I have also remembered not to heed them (trust me :D)..it's just tonight, I have realized, why I have never paid heed to his words (even after staring into the face of disappointment so often), The Reason is ~
That, It is these Dreams, which bring a thrill into my life, a new Hope, hope of watching something happen or doing something new everyday, that would bring a new Joy in my life.It's these dreams that make my life so full, so rich in the first place. These are what make my life such a fun- filled experience....If I would not have these dreams...I would not have the laughter that rings around me, the happiness that surrounds me everyday... I would not have my strength which help me Fight back the disappointments, the failures that life throws my way even without dreaming.
It is these little dreams, and the hope they bring with them, that if Today was not just as good a day I wanted it to be, Never mind, tomorrow Might be a better day, because I can dream of What it might bring for me and forget about all the rest.....It's this excitement of expecting something unexpected, which I get while pursung these dreams, that makes Life such a magical and beautiful Journey for me....
And, So I am going to remain silly and continue dreaming and just enjoy being me :-)
And Then, just out of the blue, I heard one of my friends mention " The Lion King"...and I remembered those two immortal words "Hakuna Matata" meaning " No worries for the rest of your days"...and I was laughing again lost in the world of "Timon, Pumba and Simba" .....when just 5 mins back I'd no intentions to smile for the next couple of days!!!!
After this I started listening to the song " Yuhin chala chal rahi ~ Swades" and, While I was humming along with the beats, all I wanted to do was to own a Caravan Traveler and get on the road and start travelling...and there again I was dreaming about a trip, When just a minutes ago I had decided not to even think of the word travel.....and I was laughing on myself !!!!!
It was then that I realized this....I end up with so many disappointments everyday, and they all mostly happen because I am such an impulsive dreamer....I dream about so many things, just in the spur of a moment, and start pursuing those dreams trying to make them come true, forgetting that they are just dreams....My Dad used to say this to me when I was small " The reason you get hurt so much is because you spend so much time chasing your dreams ".....all this time I'av always remembered his words but I have also remembered not to heed them (trust me :D)..it's just tonight, I have realized, why I have never paid heed to his words (even after staring into the face of disappointment so often), The Reason is ~
That, It is these Dreams, which bring a thrill into my life, a new Hope, hope of watching something happen or doing something new everyday, that would bring a new Joy in my life.It's these dreams that make my life so full, so rich in the first place. These are what make my life such a fun- filled experience....If I would not have these dreams...I would not have the laughter that rings around me, the happiness that surrounds me everyday... I would not have my strength which help me Fight back the disappointments, the failures that life throws my way even without dreaming.
It is these little dreams, and the hope they bring with them, that if Today was not just as good a day I wanted it to be, Never mind, tomorrow Might be a better day, because I can dream of What it might bring for me and forget about all the rest.....It's this excitement of expecting something unexpected, which I get while pursung these dreams, that makes Life such a magical and beautiful Journey for me....
And, So I am going to remain silly and continue dreaming and just enjoy being me :-)
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