Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Change - The reason

The reason - by Hoobastank

This song has one one of my most beautiful happiest and profound memory attached with it. The first time I heard this song, I was standing in midst of about 8-10 children between the ages of 3 months to 5 years holding a 9 month old baby girl in my hand, with a friend in a place called 'Akanksha' a shelter home for abandoned and unwanted children, which had been started in my medical school, by one of my teachers ( a veteran obstetrician and gynecologist Dr. S. Chabra)

And it was while I was standing there watching these children smiling and playing around happily that I first heard these lyrics 
                         'I found out the reason for me, to change who I used to be, a reason to start over new and the reason is you....and the reason is you..'

In that moment, watching those children, I stood grasping the huge difference that had been brought in their life, by this thoughtful, generous and kind act of this one person. Thanks to this one person these children will be taken care of till they are adopted by good families & if not, a fund has been set up for their education. This one person with her one act of thoughtfulness will be bringing about such a beautiful and significant change in so many lives. Her one act has managed to save so many lives from becoming a waste, and if even a few of these children manage to remember and appreciate and inculcate the same kindness in themselves, a chain reaction will have begun.

That moment is one of the most beautiful, happiest, strongest and most profound memory that I have and shall cherish for the rest of my life. Because in that moment I was reminded of the importance of the act of doing. That to bring about the change we crave, all we need to do is take a step, howsoever small and If the intent that lies beneath the initiative is good, that one step shall become the building block of the bridge of change. That one act became the reason for me to look at life with a new outlook.

It reminded me of the joy that comes with an act of kindness and the power of doing. The amazing change that a human being with a heart filled with love, dedication, empathy and determination can bring about.

That experience has been my source of strength in the lowest of my times. It has been my source of inspiration to do something responsible with this life that I have been gifted, to appreciate what I have and to utilize it as best as I can.

It has helped me believe in the things I want to do, the conviction to hold on to my dreams, the strength to work for the changes I wish to bring, to take the tiny little steps, to do tiny little things,  however tiny they might be, to bring about a change in the lives of those whom I surround with my own existence. And to not be deterred from doing things that I want t,o no matter how insignificant people may tell me that my actions might be in this huge ocean, I do take them. I take them believing that if nothing else, I will at least have the satisfaction of not having just sat cribbing. 

And I owe it to the one thought, which was converted into action by that one person and remembering the change that one act brought in me, I am sharing this experience with the hope that sharing it might help spread the chain reaction of change and the attitude to 'Dream, to believe and to Work for what we believe in'

'cuz as the song begins 'I am not a perfect person, There are many things I wish I did'nt do, but I continue learning.....'

None of us are perfect, and though we may not be able to undo a lot of many things we might have done wrong in our lives, but it's never too late to learn and to try.....and make this life of our's a bit more meaningful than it already is :)

Monday, January 16, 2012

The Haunted

It was...

One of those moments when the cold feeling she worked so hard to run away from, finally caught up with her. Slamming into her so hard, that she was left gasping. These were the moments when she stood face to face with her stillness, when she could no longer mute the noise within, instead the noise of the world and the life she was a part of, stood muted, by the roar of the storm that was raging within. Moments when she found herself  helplessly churning within the whirlpool of her choked up emotions, throttled self, locked up desires, chained dreams struggling to break free from the chains that held them,. 

She knew that cold touch. 

It was the touch of loneliness, her old nemesis, that relentlessly haunted her and It left her shivering. These were the moments when the emptiness that came with her loneliness felt like a huge burden she was dragging around.

She struggled to hold herself together, till she could get away from the world and lock herself within those comforting walls of her washroom, where she could watch herself break into pieces, feeling the stab of pain that came with every piece that broke, a place where the cry that came with every stab would go unheard. Where she could be left alone to struggle with the questions that had no answers, the problems that had no solutions.

She struggled to hold herself together, till she could slump against those stone cold walls and find comfort against the unyielding stone. While the tears washed away the grief that she could no longer hold within. 

And then She let the tears flow. These tears knew her story, they knew her, her pain, her emptiness, her desires, her longings, her joy, her ecstasy, they knew her like none other, they were her solitary solace, those tears, those cold stone walls and the silently gazing mirror. Before them she was a mask less naked soul, without any charade.

She held herself tightly with her arms, wishing that another hand would reach out to her, and knowing full well there would be none, she let the warmth of the tears caress and heal her. 

She did not know for how long it lasted, for how long she had wept, how many tears she had shed.

Before the storm finally passed over. And emptied of emotion, she felt the calm seep in. Slowly she found her strength return from within. She stood up facing the mirror, and within the very mirror where she had watched herself shatter, she saw her self regenerating.

The questions still remained and the problems were still unsolved, but she had found within herself the strength to begin again, her lonely journey to find the answers she sought and the hope that someday she would walk down her road, holding the hand she had always waited to hold.