Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Just like that

Many a times in life, I feel like a scared little child and this world feels like a scary monster out of those childhood bedtime horror stories, those are the times when I remember the day of my first stage performance as a dancer...

                  I was a 6 yrs old, fat, terribly shy yet confident dancer, who was aware that she danced only for the love of dancing and yet there I was, my tiny little self, standing under the spotlight before an Auditorium filled with people..aware only of those countless staring eyes and a numbing fright. I do not know for how long I stood there..frozen, contemplating  If I should run away and whether my feet would be strong enough to carry me away if I decided to run. And then, I heard the music on which I was to perform and I felt the warmth of rhythm spread through me thawing away the numbing fright. In that moment I closed my eyes, forgot everything else and just let the music take over.

                                I still don't remember what I danced that night, whether I managed to get the correct moves at the right beat. Infact I'd danced with my eyes closed for the first few minutes but even for the time while I danced with my eyes open, I hardly remember seeing or hearing anyone. I stopped when the music stopped and practically ran away back stage the moment I heard people clapping. For the next half an hour, I was shaking and my heart beat was probably loud enough to be heard by human ears. I was living the fright which I had overcome with the help of music on stage.
               Finally when I calmed down, I turned around to ask my teacher how I'd performed and she replied "Superb" adding " I am proud that u stood up your ground and danced, Instead of running away". I was shocked that how could she know what I was feeling, she'd probably seen the question in my eyes 'cuz she said "I was a little girl standing on the stage first time like u too once. We all have to fight our little fears before we can rise up and dance away to glory."
                                
                        While growing up and walking through the roads of life, I have come across many days like that one on the stage, When I have stood frozen with fright, facing uncertainties, feeling as tiny and as scared as I had done then and every time I remind myself of the lesson I learnt that night
                        
                        
" I close my eyes and forget the world.. Instead I open my eyes to the moment and I do whatever I wish to do right then.. In those moments I live life beat by beat, following the rhythm of my convictions. I live for myself. It's not like I am not scared in those moments, It's just that I decide to live out my fears, rather than giving in to them. I fight that fear by overpowering it by doing something that I love doing. I turn to the strength that lies within my heart....Not to win or loose, but to just live through that moment..'cuz in the end what matters more than how bad or good u were is how much u enjoyed and loved what u were trying to do"

11 comments:

Adee said...

sometimes, one just has to stop feeling scared and take the plunge...this is how we came into this life, and this is how we'll leave for our next journey. and if this can apply on life n death, it applies on every little thing in between :)

baavriviti said...

i agree with adee. just gotta do what you gotta do :D very interesting post. loved it!

Phoenix said...

Loved the post. First few lines about being a lil kid and the world being a monster sketch out the same picture that I feel.
But I think we just need to let ourselves go and take the plunge and once the tide rises we start to move our limbs on our own and swim without even being conscious of the vastness of the ocean.

Vivek said...

if all of us had the guts that the little girl on the stage had to stand up to our fears the world would be a much better place to live in.

meeta said...

@Adee recklessness is probably the element that adds joy to life :)

meeta said...

@viti thanks for the read and the comment :)

meeta said...

@Phoenix this is what i said at the end of the post..that rather than standing & looking at the ocean of fear from the edge..just plunge into it..i did that that night :)

meeta said...

@Vivek all of us have the guts..but they just get overwhelmed by the enormity of the real world...that is why the little girl always reminds herself of that night...so that her she doesn't forget the strength of the guts that she has within.

Toon India said...

Awesome post Meeta..I believe that is where the real joy lies breaking the walls that we have made for ourself..the benchmarks that the society has imposed.

nidhig said...

Superbly written Meeta!
There are times in life when it not only becomes important, but necessary to fight out those fears and uncertainties, and live each moment as it comes; that is when we fight life to live :)

meeta said...

@Rahul thanku :)

@nidhig very true :)