I Believe..

 I shall be as good as dead the day life ceases to be wondrous no more to me.

Just like that

Many a times in life, I feel like a scared little child and this world feels like a scary monster out of those childhood bedtime horror stories, those are the times when I remember the day of my first stage performance as a dancer...

                  I was a 6 yrs old, fat, terribly shy yet confident dancer, who was aware that she danced only for the love of dancing and yet there I was, my tiny little self, standing under the spotlight before an Auditorium filled with people..aware only of those countless staring eyes and a numbing fright. I do not know for how long I stood there..frozen, contemplating  If I should run away and whether my feet would be strong enough to carry me away if I decided to run. And then, I heard the music on which I was to perform and I felt the warmth of rhythm spread through me thawing away the numbing fright. In that moment I closed my eyes, forgot everything else and just let the music take over.

                                I still don't remember what I danced that night, whether I managed to get the correct moves at the right beat. Infact I'd danced with my eyes closed for the first few minutes but even for the time while I danced with my eyes open, I hardly remember seeing or hearing anyone. I stopped when the music stopped and practically ran away back stage the moment I heard people clapping. For the next half an hour, I was shaking and my heart beat was probably loud enough to be heard by human ears. I was living the fright which I had overcome with the help of music on stage.
               Finally when I calmed down, I turned around to ask my teacher how I'd performed and she replied "Superb" adding " I am proud that u stood up your ground and danced, Instead of running away". I was shocked that how could she know what I was feeling, she'd probably seen the question in my eyes 'cuz she said "I was a little girl standing on the stage first time like u too once. We all have to fight our little fears before we can rise up and dance away to glory."
                                
                        While growing up and walking through the roads of life, I have come across many days like that one on the stage, When I have stood frozen with fright, facing uncertainties, feeling as tiny and as scared as I had done then and every time I remind myself of the lesson I learnt that night
                        
                        
" I close my eyes and forget the world.. Instead I open my eyes to the moment and I do whatever I wish to do right then.. In those moments I live life beat by beat, following the rhythm of my convictions. I live for myself. It's not like I am not scared in those moments, It's just that I decide to live out my fears, rather than giving in to them. I fight that fear by overpowering it by doing something that I love doing. I turn to the strength that lies within my heart....Not to win or loose, but to just live through that moment..'cuz in the end what matters more than how bad or good u were is how much u enjoyed and loved what u were trying to do"

नज़्म

के कहीं खो ना जाये राहगीर कोई,

फिर उन्ही राहों पर चलते चलते , 

जिनमे हम भटकते रहे उम्र भर

के मिल जाये किसी थके भटके राही को,

इनकी छाव में चंद लम्हों का सुकून 

इसलिए इन "नज्मों" में हमने अपने क़दमों के निशान छोडें हैं|

"मेरी ज़िन्दगी"

बढते हुए कभी

कभी थमे हुए, थके क़दमों से,

उठते हुए कभी

कभी गिर कर संभलते हुए,

उड़ते हुए कभी

कभी सहम के सिसक कर,

हँसते हुए कभी

कभी आसुओं का हाथ थामे,

खुशी के साथ कभी

कभी ग़मों की सिलाई से,

बुनती हूँ मै ताना बाना

एक नन्ही सी नज़्म का

जिसका नाम है

"मेरी ज़िन्दगी"

ओहड़े फिरुंगी जिसे

जब तक चलूंगी इस ज़मी पर

और छोड़ जाउंगी उतार कर

एक यादगार की तरह 

जिस दिन,

निकलूंगी फिर एक नयी दुनिया के सफ़र पर| 

I Believe..

I began writing this post as a comment on the blog of my dear friend Adee's post on his blog delhidreams fan page on Facebook  (http://delhidreams.blogpost.com)  .

The post was a quote by Zelda Fitzgerald "Nobody has ever measured, not even poets - how much the heart can hold"
 the comment I posted was
                          "  heart is a vessel with no end..and when it can't take the pain anymore and breaks..it scars not just a soul but also the fabric of life of which that soul is an integral part..unleashing a grief that is hard to be damed and cracks which hardly ever get resealed..."


I believe...that love can help heal and keep this enormous vessel strong...So fill it with as much love as u can...wipe away those tears which carry with 'em sorrows unbound through a few kind words, a small gesture, a mere smile and help make this fabric of life a beautiful robe...so that when some day your vessel might not be able to take it anymore, You can wrap around that robe and let the warmth and comfort of it heal the welling grief. 

Fear

In the Nights dark and cold,

While the world silently sleeps,

I lie in darkness, 

screaming within..

afraid, 

not of nightmares,

but of desires and dreams..

screaming at me,

Urging me to grab on to their open arms,

While I,

chained to the world and duties,

lie helplessly twisting and turning,

watching 'em drift afar

I Believe..

Creativity is my bane..because like a hungry raging tide it comes to me sweeping me away in it's wake..raging ceaselessly until I willingly succumb and drown into it's depth uncertain of when I shall resurface again..and still I happily give into this bane..like a a young bird who jumps off the tree into the unknown..uncertain of whether itr will hit the bottom or it shall rise up and fly away to the skies unknown..certain only of a joy within..joy of the warm hope that it might rise and fly high and far away to it's freedom.