I Believe...

                               When you live with the consequences of your choices.
                          Reminding you everyday what a lousy choice maker you are.
                                                                        That,
                        is when you have no alternative but to learn to laugh at your mistakes
                                                                       and
                     to do whatever it takes, to let them remain lousy for as little while as you can.
                                       This is what separates winners from whiners.

I have been whining for a while, trying to figure out how to turn my lousy choices into less lousy ones. I have not managed to make much headway so far, and I am lost and weary, but the silver lining is, I am still far from giving up, because the road for ever goes on

Be

I have been missing from this space. This is a fact.

I doubt anyone noticed my absence because I am probably the only one who bothers checking out this space. This is an assumption.

Facts and Assumptions.

Our lives are contained within the premise of these two words.

Paths we choose

Journeys we take

Decisions we make

The stories that our lives become,

Are penned 

In the ink of these Facts and Assumptions.

And yet when it comes to stocking up our facts and making our assumptions

We hardly deliberate

run amok with emotions

we rush.

We rush to gather our facts

We hasten to make our assumptions

And

then we wonder, how come we ended up as and where we did.

Breathe

Hold your breath for a moment

And 

For the length of that breath

Hold 

Yourself Still

Be

Just be

In the length of that moment 

Allow yourself  to just Be.

How long has it been since you have done this?

Been in just the moment?

Celebrated being just alive?

How long has it been, since you have found joy in just your own existence?

Not in your accomplishments, 

But 

In just being you.

In this race against time

Life has become a list of things to do

When was the last time, you gave in to the impromptu?

Laughed without a care

Breathed instead of sighed

Let go your fears

Cry

Laugh

Rejuvenate

Feel

Celebrate

Live

2014

2014

It scares me, this year to come, I am afraid of the uncertainty, of the fog that lays before me, blinding me, my road is lost and I am wandering groping in dark.

It is scary isn't it? But the one lesson that I have learnt over the last year was, to move, no matter what it takes, no matter where u lay the next step, no mater where the next step takes you, the most important thing is to keep moving on, because standing still is definitely not taking you anywhere.

So with all my fears, my despair, I am choosing to keep moving, to take tiny little steps, silently hoping that I may eventually find my way through the fog. I wish for strength, the strength to hold on, to persevere on, to not be overwhelmed, to pursue my dreams and to bring them true.

And 2014 did begin absurdly for me, but then it just got better, I was on a vacation in koh samui, got drunk and lost in the madness of New Year celebrations, was furious with my friend, apologised for my behaviour, but can't yet stop kicking myself in the butt for having been rude and unkind. See what I meant, when I said, this year scares me, it gives me jitters, to the extent that it has left me sleepless with night terrors.

But like my friend pointed out, it can't get worse than it already is, so maybe it will only get better. I will say Amen to that and work to make it better.

So 2014, let us get on, you and I have a lot that we need to accomplish together,

To begin with let us get on with focusing on finding the next best career move (moving abroad and maybe a change of career)
Along with that more travel, because the only way to get over travelling is to get on with travelling more, I have in my itinerary Northeast, Hampi, Leh (again!), Palau, Greece, Turkey and Australia.
To cook and read about cooking more, reading and getting more creatively active and finishing off my 2013 travelogue.

So, dear life, I begin this year, afraid, yet with determination to see myself through the challenges that u have in store for me, I wish, only, for courage and strength to see myself through, for ray of light
when I feel dark within, for a nudge when I am sinking down, for a kick in the butt when you deem it fit and a bang on my head when it needs one, in return I promise not to let you down and give up. I promise to give you the best of me and to make the most of what I have been given. I promise to become a better person than I am (I will begin with that by saying, how sorry I still feel about having been rude and harsh to my friend, hopefully I can make up for it someday).

I promise, to do the most wonderful thing that there is to do - To live, not just survive, but to be truly madly deeply alive, kicking and laughing.

In words - The year that was

As the new year is waiting around the corner, to sneak upon me, with only it knows what, and I prepare to embrace it with all it's uncertainty, I am taking a moment to breathe, to hold on to 2013, before I let go.

Letting go, not an easy thing to do, but when you think of it, it isn't easy to be let off either. Sad isn't it to be forgotten, left behind as life moves on. I believe this is the thought that lies behind make farewells a happy occasion, to make the awful feeling that comes with goodbyes better. And so I shall bid a jolly good bye to 2013, by reminiscing all the lovely memories I owe it.

I began the year with a few unspoken resolutions, like the resolution to travel somewhere every month or atleast once in two months or the resolution to improve my cooking skills and knowledge or the resolution to work on self improvement, the resolution to swim more etc etc. To begin with, working on each of them was tough, but persistence and patience, these two words my dear readers, if u get the hang of them, can make a difference in your life like none. Not that I have gotten a hang of them, but I get the idea.

So, I travelled, and to my own amazement, roads began opening, sometimes I would find ways, sometimes ways found me - Goa, Leh, Ladakh, Beijing, San Francisco, Napa, Berkeley, Saint Augustine, Orlando, Miami, Keywest, Saint Petersberg, Tampa, NewYork, Koh Samui, Bangkok- cities ticked off from the travel map, Yes, but more than that, experiences gained, lessons learnt, realizations gained, life experienced, fears conquered.

I cooked, read about food, tasted and again, learnt - Magic can be found within the simplest of things, food teaches u this, not just this, it teaches you to love, to care, to appreciate what you have.

Swimming, it teaches u the value of stillness, to float within the moment, to be able not to chase nor look back. To experience what is. To reach and find peace within, before trying to search for it outside, and though I am not even half way through making peace with myself, I am learning.

Life, people within it, every moment it comes with, has so much for us, to learn, to grow and leave
behind our distinct imprints, if only we are willing, willing to open our hearts, our minds and ourselves.

2013 has taught me a lot, and hopefully it leaves behind in me a better person, a stronger person, filled with ideas and energy to make the year to come an even more fulfilling and fun filled experience.

Moments, that are worth a lifetime, in one lifetime. What more can one ask for? A lot, I know, being human our wants know no end, but despite that, I bid adieu to another year in the calendar of my life on a content, joyful and thankful note. 

                                                 Happy New Year

Thank you

Merry Christmas!!

Christmas is a crazy time of the year for me. I love it, it fills my heart with joy and yet it is the time of the year when I find my heart filled with a sadness that I can never explain. My being aches with a silent pain, that only my heart can understand. I wade through despair and yet before the midnight strikes, the joy which is essence of this tradition rescues me.

The essence of Christmas is joy, the joy that comes from sharing, from opening our lives and hearts for those around us and also from receiving and finding ourselves surrounded with love, care and people. It is all this that makes life so much more fuller, enriched and happier. And It is the absence of this feeling which makes my heart ache. The empty feeling that comes with a lonely existence.

And every year, this is the feeling that strikes me as the Christmas season starts, and every year secretly in my heart, this is all I wish for, when I ask, that I may be able to experience the spirit of Christmas. And even though year after year, I end up being all by myself on Christmas, I end up finding within my heart joy, joy when I remember, all that I have to be thankful for, just as I did this year.

Being thankful, for a wonderful year of travel, of experiences that I shall forever cherish, for memories that shall drive the winter away from my heart, whenever it strikes. Thankful for all that I was given by life unasked. For the warmth of my bed, while there are so many out there who lie shivering in the cold, for a full meal, while countless sleep hungry, for clothes on my body, shoes in feet, for a family, for health.

Thank you life for all this and so much more that I have. And, all I wish for, is for enough strength in being and enough joy in my heart to be able to makes the most of what I have been blessed with, to make life more blissful for those around me.

And, so like every year, I ask from Dear Santa, bless me with love, joy, travel, ability to dream and the strength to bring true those dreams. Fill my stocking with all that u have in store for me so that I
can make every moment that I have of this lifetime meaningful. Give to my loved ones, family and friends all that they wish for and much more. May life take care of them always and may love never leave them alone.

                                        Merry Christmas! may you find within your hearts the spirit of Christmas and in your lives the joy of being. Good tidings to you, wherever you are, whoever you are.

Travelogue - Experiences

I have been travelling since the last two weeks. Boy! What a time I have been having.

Beijing, San Francisco, Napa, Sonoma, Berkeley, Saint Augustine, Orlando so far and the list will grow over the coming weeks.

I have seen, read, heard, talked, experienced so much in terms of cultures, people, food, life that I am still soaking it all in. I had promised myself a daily record, and even though I am working on it, I am just on day one, I am going to try and find time to get the words on the paper before they start fading away.
But even if the words fade away, the stories won't be entirely lost, they will remain in pictures, experiences, feelings and memories.....

A sneak peek into the experiences -

Beijing - a myth busted, china explored, cultural contrasts, colours, The Great Wall, a new sensual awakening.

San Francisco - found  myself again, rediscovered the traveller, explorer and entrepreneur in me. Faced my fears, struggled and got beyond them. Found my crazy un contained, uncontrolled source of energy back while falling in love with this city.

Napa and Sonoma - a sensual delight. The lovely colours of autumn, the fairy tale houses, wineries and vineyards. The poet within me was awakened again.

Berkeley - quiet city. Churning within it's urn countless minds. Oh! Didn't I feel as if the slate of my mind
had been wiped clean and I was ready to begin again. To start afresh, to become a student again.

Saint Augustine - took me to Spain and Mexico, partying on the road, sound of music wafting through the street, the care free aroma of the weekend in the air, pitchers of sangria and Latin music. A long drive in a convertible with wind blowing through your hairs. What more does one want from a weekend.

Orlando - quiet laid back, city of lakes and Disney ( as everyone keeps telling me) , a little time of hibernation before I let loose the wanderer within again.

                        As I travel I find again the bits of me that I had lost to this world.
          We travellers, we are a strange breed - Finders Keepers. Treasure seekers. Treasure keepers.

Begin Again - US travelogue

Yet again I find myself sitting at the airport, waiting to begin another journey and wondering in my mind, why am I doing this?

This is the most exasperating part of the whole journey, as far as I am concerned. More exasperating than all the crazy planning, bookings, budgeting, convincing the family, applying for leaves blah blah (the usual list of a frequent traveller's rants).  It is especially exasperating and annoying when you have spent over 3 months planning for the trip, only to find yourself sitting plagued with self-doubt, questioning your own motives.

Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh. It is exasperating. This is the moment before every trip when all my euphoria, excitement and lust for travel disappears and is replaced by the black hole of worries about all the things that can go wrong on the journey, worries about having burnt my hard earned bank balance on probably a pain in ass ( I mean the journey and discomforts that come along with being away from the comforts of home), worries about missing my flight, forgetting my passport (these are the few reasonable ones but there are absolutely hilarious ones as well) worries about family, my patients and what not.

It is no wonder people find me in absolute tatters at the start of my travels, and if I were to ever marry I am sure my husband would send me on vacations just to enjoy watching me in this state of absolute discomfort.

And this makes me wonder if this anxiety comes to me because I am not a natural traveller. It is a
passion that I have acquired. It also makes me wonder how I have let myself become a puppet to my fears and my limits.

So, I am off for a month long vacation, beginning with Beijing to San Francisco to Florida to New York before I get back home. And yes, even though I can hardly figure out all the things that I planned to do, maybe it is a good thing, because then when I begin I will no longer be slave to planning. Instead I will have fun exploring, discovering, learning, testing myself in the waters beyond my comfort zone, in short tasting life as it is.

And it is worth it. This experience with all it's worries and hassles and mental and physical stress because it is a reminder of the limits that we have set for ourselves and how it is important to push ourselves beyond those limits and that unless we do, we shall end up limiting ourselves into a tiny shell, while there is huge wide world which is still awaiting to be explored, paths that yet lie untrodden, lives yet untouched, our stories yet incomplete, awaiting to be written, while we let our courage become a hostage of our fears and the limits they confine us to.

I travel to break these limits.

And this time I am going to keep a daily travelogue of my journey to share my experience. Feel free to drop in your suggestions, feedback or just amuse yourself with my crazy writing.