Saturday, November 9, 2013

Begin Again - US travelogue

Yet again I find myself sitting at the airport, waiting to begin another journey and wondering in my mind, why am I doing this?

This is the most exasperating part of the whole journey, as far as I am concerned. More exasperating than all the crazy planning, bookings, budgeting, convincing the family, applying for leaves blah blah (the usual list of a frequent traveller's rants).  It is especially exasperating and annoying when you have spent over 3 months planning for the trip, only to find yourself sitting plagued with self-doubt, questioning your own motives.

Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh. It is exasperating. This is the moment before every trip when all my euphoria, excitement and lust for travel disappears and is replaced by the black hole of worries about all the things that can go wrong on the journey, worries about having burnt my hard earned bank balance on probably a pain in ass ( I mean the journey and discomforts that come along with being away from the comforts of home), worries about missing my flight, forgetting my passport (these are the few reasonable ones but there are absolutely hilarious ones as well) worries about family, my patients and what not.

It is no wonder people find me in absolute tatters at the start of my travels, and if I were to ever marry I am sure my husband would send me on vacations just to enjoy watching me in this state of absolute discomfort.

And this makes me wonder if this anxiety comes to me because I am not a natural traveller. It is a
passion that I have acquired. It also makes me wonder how I have let myself become a puppet to my fears and my limits.

So, I am off for a month long vacation, beginning with Beijing to San Francisco to Florida to New York before I get back home. And yes, even though I can hardly figure out all the things that I planned to do, maybe it is a good thing, because then when I begin I will no longer be slave to planning. Instead I will have fun exploring, discovering, learning, testing myself in the waters beyond my comfort zone, in short tasting life as it is.

And it is worth it. This experience with all it's worries and hassles and mental and physical stress because it is a reminder of the limits that we have set for ourselves and how it is important to push ourselves beyond those limits and that unless we do, we shall end up limiting ourselves into a tiny shell, while there is huge wide world which is still awaiting to be explored, paths that yet lie untrodden, lives yet untouched, our stories yet incomplete, awaiting to be written, while we let our courage become a hostage of our fears and the limits they confine us to.

I travel to break these limits.

And this time I am going to keep a daily travelogue of my journey to share my experience. Feel free to drop in your suggestions, feedback or just amuse yourself with my crazy writing.

1 comment:

Suz said...

oh wonderful! I hope you hav th very best of times!
What struck me though in your post is the description of the if sometime you described how he would love watching you all tizzy over you with adoring eyes....I love him already
keep us postd