Monday, August 15, 2011

15th August 2011

15th August 2011

64 years since the stroke of midnight, when India, the Nation and it's people achieved their Independence, after a long and hard fought struggle.

64 years since, the pioneers of freedom struggle, who with the belief in their hearts and minds, that, a free people, who have witnessed the tyranny of being enslaved, would understand the true meaning of Independence, and cherish that understanding and freedom of free decision making, to make choices that would help every person live their life self righteously, upholding their beliefs and ethos and, thus, creating, A society and ultimately A nation, where they can do so freely without being forced to compromise their integrity and choices by the whims of a choicest few, gave to the people of India the gift of Independence.

64 years since, An entire nation and a society has collectively watched that dream fade away into the muck of  individual and progressing Corruption, which has swept far and wide through every aspect, be it bureaucratic, politics, economic, infrastructural, judicial, of the largest democracy in the world.

64 years to this day, where situation has come to a pass, that this entire nation is ravaged into a serious debate on how to bring accountability in this 'Democracy' of the people, by the people and for the people, by creating an Institution called as The Lokpal Bill, to bring about corrective measure.

The Lokpal Bill, is basically a proposition to create an independent body called,  The Lokayukt, that would be empowered to speedily investigate, any matters of irregularities brought to it's notice, without the need of prior government permission and thereafter submitting a report for action. 

The Debate that is going on is because : 

1) Of the lack of consensus on some proposals in the drafts of the aforesaid bill, as proposed by the Govt. Of India and that proposed, by a group of activists working for the cause, spear headed by a Gandhian, Anna Hazare. for example - whether to bring The higher judiciary & The prime minister within the preview of the bill?
                                 - the kind of punishment that should be decided once a person is found guilty, 
                                  - the kind of powers and autonomy that the lokayukt would have, 
                                  -how the lukayukt/lokayukt committee would be elected And 
                                  -how will the Lolayukt execute their proposed powers.

2) Because their is a doubt in the people, As to how can a Lokayukt maintain integrity in a rotten system, which in the first place led to the need of a Lokayakut. A fear in the minds, that Lukayakut might just end up joining the ever enlarging list of failed/corrupt institutions and because of the inherent structure of the bill, even an Independent and unchecked body of corruption.

The purpose of this post is neither to debate the Lokpal Bill, it's worth, or which group of thought is right or wrong, nor to go into the depth of issues concerned with it, rather it is to highlight a more important and alarming fact, which has been lost in all this ruckus..

                 That yes, there is no denying that 'Fighting corruption', is probably the biggest and most important problem that lies before our Nation today to continue it's functioning, but what is more important is, is addressing the root cause from where this monstrous growth is arising, and that is   :

" An overall degradation in the ethical and moral structure of the very people which constitute this Nation.  It is the time when we as individuals need to turn within ourselves for a major introspection. An introspection, of our ever enlarging egos, for our growing lack of respect for value of hard work, of our unchecked wants beyond our earned means, because we live in a nation which is suffering, in every aspect, with the problem of too few resources for too many people creating a wide divide of those who have a lot and those who have meager none."

And Unless this happens, bring as we many as we might laws, institutions, the monster of corruption shall fail to be defeated. And even as I write, I fully understand how naive and theoretical this suggestion sounds, I would still suggest, look into the individual that lives within,  remember that Individuals and societies coexists in a balance that forms a nation. That a nation moves on the wheels of it's individuals and not vice-versa. We can continue to lie to ourselves, continue justifying our wrongs in the names of need for survival in a worthless system, but the truth is, that We ourselves are responsible for the worthlessness of that System.

                     The choice lies with us. And there always is a choice. It's for us to choose now.

This independence came at the price of the blood of millions and we owe not just to them but to the generation that shall come after us, the answer to the question as to 'What we did with a legacy we were handed?'


Saturday, July 23, 2011

Me and The struggling myself

It's been a while...I have been struggling with myself...I have been bugged, bothered, angry, low, disgusted...with myself, with if not many then atleast a few people around me....I have been struggling to find comfort, peace and understanding about myself and my life....none are coming....I tried drowning myself in work....It did not work....I tried drowning myself in books, in random things, cooking, painting...even plainly doing nothing....but nothing worked.....

                          My problem basically is and I think always has been that " I Want..."

I always seem to be wanting...I have....but I want more than what I have, if I don't want more then I want answers...I am just obsessed with wanting, never content forever ranting.

I have parents, who love me and care for me...but I want more...I want 'em to understand me...I want 'em to look at life through my eyes..appreciate my perspective, which is seemingly different from their own...and still love & care for me.....the conflict arises I try and talk..but I am too impatient and a bit angry and they are too unyielding, one thing leads to another..and the struggling begins...

I have people around me who care...who are around...but I want more...I want friends who I can count on...whom I can share with....on whom I can assert..I can't find any..I feel let down...and I wish...

I wanted to be a doctor...I am one...I don't want to be just a doctor...I want to be so much more..do so much more..be an artist, a writer, a dancer, a cook, a violinist, a kindergarten teacher, a traveller....I feel I made a wrong choice stepping into the shoes of a doctor..not 'cuz I lack the expertise..but 'cuz I lack the devoted consistent commitment to be a doctor...I feel lost...I feel foolish, unsure....and I struggle..

And then again..I just wonder why do I struggle so much with my life...I know I have more than many...why can't I take it as it is, like so many others do and go on...Why can't I remain happy with what I have?...I have learnt that life always knows the best for it's children, it puts us through only that much which it knows we can carry and it puts us where..we can do best what it wants us to...knowing and understanding all this...I still struggle with life...'cuz I just don't seem to find answers for why is all that is happening, happening...could life not have found a better and perhaps an easier way...I don't seem to understand a few things, why in the first place did life had to make me so discontent ...I struggle to understand...

I came across this post http://suz-beginagain.blogspot.com/2011/07/from-may-sartons-well.html today and a few questions started to make sense....
                 
                         Life I believe works through distillation i.e. the process of first heating a mixture to separate the more volatile from the less volatile parts, and then cooling and condensing the resulting vapor so as to produce a more nearly pure or refined substance......
                                           
 In life's processing the mixture is us, you, me all of us....it works on us slowly...separating the more volatile (in our case useless, maybe even harmful bits of our characters) from the less volatile (things that are better for us, making us less prone to self combustion!!!)....gradually and gradually cooling us through it's cold, at times harsh ways till the time is right.....to bring to light the refined, pure being that lies beneath all the muck....the being that It knew lay within, the being it had faith in , a faith that never wavered.


All we need to do is believe in the faith that life has in us...hold on to life's persistent prodding hand...not to struggle against life's flow...but to flow with it, I have struggled against the flow reached where I wanted to, only to learn, that it would have been better had I flown along...to believe that even if we can't see it at the moment...the road lies just beyond the next bush obscured from our sight...to just keep walking step by step, holding on to the faith...that


                          "Life like all mothers, knows the best for each of it's children and will always take care of it's children, it will let go only when it knows that we can handle the road that lays ahead and even then, it will always be just behind us to pull us up on our feet, if we shall stumble"


I know easier said, than done....but I shall keep the thought in my heart, hold on to it when nothing shall seem like....and struggle on instead of despairing....I shall keep moving. 


                                                    I Will Believe

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

The Nomad


When our ancestors found that wheat
Was a good bread to eat
They settled in Jericho.
All of us are settled now,
But in our souls there is a great woe:
We don't know where to go.

I am settled in a fine place
I own a house, I live in grace,
I have a patio
But late at night when the wind lament
And  the garden shivers - my soul is rent:
I don't know where to go.

One day when I say good-bye
To life and wife, and die and fly
somewhere in a great flow
I shall be free to roam again
I'll try to find but try in vain
Where to go, where to go.

- Henry Shore

I found this beautiful poem in the biography of JRD Tata "Beyond the last Blue mountain".....and it echoes the very emotion of the nomad within my soul. 

That's the beauty in poetry...you read a poem and find the very emotions of your soul mirrored in the words of someone else and you know that you are not alone on your road, that there have been many before you and that there shall be many who shall come after you. 


Tuesday, June 21, 2011

कुछ लम्हें सुकून के

रात में ढलती सुबह 
सुबह में गुम होती रात के बीच 
सपनों की रफ़्तार से भागती 
इस ज़िन्दगी में 
dhundhti हूँ कुछ लम्हें सुकून के |

सुबह सुबह दौड़ते हुए 
गरम टोस्ट और चाय की दो चुस्कियों में,
हडबडाहट में निगले 
माँ के प्यार से भरे लंच के डब्बे में,
शाम की काफ्फी के अरोमा से  
गुम होती दिनभर की थकान मे,
dhundhti हूँ कुछ लम्हें सुकून के |

कभी,
किताबों के पन्नो में छुपी कविता कहानियों में,
कभी,
दोस्तों के साथ बिताये लम्हों में,
कभी,
गानों की धुन में बहते हुए 
कभी,
रात के सन्नाटे में बहती हवा के स्पर्श में,
कभी,
मोंसून की पहली बारिश में भीगते हुए,
कभी,
अपनी छोटी से दुनिया से परे बसी विशाल दुनिया
देखने की कल्पनाओं में, 
dhundhti हूँ कुछ लम्हें सुकून के |


छोटी सी इस ज़िन्दगी में,
सब सपनों को जी जाने की
बहुत कुछ पाने और कर जाने की 
इस मह्त्वकान्षा की दौड़ में 
क्षणभर को थमकर
दूर से
दुनिया के इस समंदर में,
बहती अनगिनत जिंदगियों की धाराओं की 
छोटी छोटी खुशियों में 
dhundhti हूँ कुछ लम्हें सुकून के |





Saturday, June 4, 2011

Real beauty

Real beauty is what the eyes of a mother see, every time she looks at her child. The love that stirs within the depths of her hearts making her child the most beautiful thing for her, wiping away everything else.

Real beauty is what you see through the trusting eyes of children, who with their faith believe that this world is a beautiful place, where no harm can ever reach them. Who entrusting the beauty of that faith, trust us with their hearts, mind and soul to nurture them.

Real beauty is what you see within the delight of a child running down a playground, in the face of a flower that makes u smile, in the moment which is long gone, but is a memory that makes the times gone by beautiful. In the memory that lasts with you like a light to light up the darkest moment of your life with it's beauty.

Real beauty lies in anything that touches our heart, soothing it, filling it with delight, irrespective of how long it lasted and what it looked like. What matters is not what can be seen on the surface but what shines from within.
                What matters is not what it looked like rather what it felt like while it lasted.

(This post was written as part of an entry in the IndiBlogger contest 'What real beauty means to you ?' )

The Choice

Over the years she had filled up every inch of her loneliness with work. All the while it seemed she was missing a lot, but she was so full with what she had, that all that which she was missing neither mattered nor did she care about it. She was happy with what she had. She had made a choice and locked up a few things and forgot about the key.


One day she found the key again. Opened the door and beyond it she found all that she was missing. She found all that she had chosen to forget. It was all so beautiful while she stood at the threshold and watched. Lured, She walked in. And it all turned into chaos and she was lost..


Gradually, she found her way back to the door again. Quickly turned the key and walked away. But this time she could not leave the key forgotten. She could not remember why she had chosen to lock away something as beautiful as what she saw beyond the door from her life. And One day, she opened the door again but this time, instead of venturing inside, she just stood watching from the door. It was all stunningly beautiful to watch, yet she could recall how the moment she had entered in last time it had all turned from beautiful into a dreadful mess, a tiring, trying and confusing chaos. A chaos where she had no clue of where she belonged, who she was and what did she want. She just stood there looking on for a long time before closing the door and walking away again.


This time she was consciously aware of the reason that had led her to her choice. She knew that there lay a world just as beautiful and just as complete as the world she had once dreamed of. But she could not be a part of it. She was one of those people who enjoy things behind the door by looking at them silently from afar. Just as there were others who enjoyed what she was creating from afar. She knew she was not complete and she knew her life even when filled with work was still empty. But She had found her peace in the choice she had made, even though she was missing a lot while living it because while she was living her choice she was at peace with what she did have and did not. 


And now she always kept the key with her. And she opened the door, whenever she grew weary of her choice and the emptiness it came with. She stood looking from afar filling herself and then locked the door to return back to her world. Holding on to the key like a child holds on to the world of his fantasies. It exists in the mind and the reality of the child but so does the world and the child lives in both. The world he walks in and the world he enjoys looking at . And however hard it may seem to him, He cannot live in the fantasy happily forever just as She could not live torn between her choice and her dream.

In the Rain

I walked on,
leaving behind
the walls of the world,
I am caged in.

I walked on,
feeling the rain seep within
feeling the cold drops sliding down my naked skin
feeling the calm soak within, embalming my bleeding soul

I walked on,
letting
the song of falling rain,
drown
the noise of restlessness
threatening to engulf me in.

Breaking free
far and long into the rain.
I walked on,
feeling alive with every new step.

I walked on
till the fire
raging within turned into embers
to rise again,
from the ashes of Peace within.