25.3.2013

25.3.2013

Another year has gone by,

Another year has begun,

And as I sit remembering all that has gone

And wishing for all that is yet to come,

I am mulling as much as I am musing :

There is still a lot that I have to learn,

A lot that I have to do and I am yet to begin

Too far to go, and I am just beginning

So little time, it seems, to get so much done

And yet it's only a lifetime that I have

And so much of the time that I had has already gone by.

I am standing listening to the wind,

As it whispers into my ears

The love and blessings that life has to offer.

And it tells me to ask,

Because birthdays are special occasions, it tells me,

They are days when the magic of creation, that led to beginning of a new cycle of life, 

Is alive again, Birthdays are days when prayers asked, from the depth of the being are heard

And so, the wind tells me, Ask.

I stand wondering what is it that I could ask,

I am thankful for what I have been given without even having ever asked for,

I do not know how to pray, so instead I shall ask.

And if I have to ask, then Dear life, I ask

To be blessed, with

The love of the man I love, 

The strength to do the best with the gifts that I have been given

The peaceful joy of fulfillment.

I ask for humility, for patience, for kindness, to be more forgiving, more generous, 

And to become a better person than I already am.

Let me forever remain your child, a student of life.

That is all I ask.

It's my Life

I have a love hate relationship with my existence. Hurtled from one place to another, dumped in a corner, forgotten for the better part of my existence and yet indispensable. I am like the neglected wife of a fairly long marriage, dreaming to be picked up in arms and getting passionately kissed, who instead ends up getting a forgotten peck in rush.

Picked up in a rush, dumped even before I have had my fill of his touch, separated albeit temporarily from the company of the arms I love most, left and forgotten to bump and being bumped in with the rest of my brood, unfamiliar strangers united by the similar situation we are stuck in. Forced upon each other's company, we make conversation, listen to each other's stories, share experiences, listen to the tales of lives from far and wide, before being separated sometimes forever, sometimes to be re-united by the accident of life.

And before long, I am back in the arms I love, only to be dumped again, to be given a quick cursory search that is reserved for a familiar being, and then forgotten in a corner, to be remembered daily in the occasional moments of need, while I from my corner, watch your life go past my hungry eyes, catching every moment of it like a parched lover, asking for no more than the span of attention you give.

Ours is the world of deaf and dumb. He's deaf and I am dumb. Hardly a word is spoken between the two of us, and we do not seek to break the silence that we have grown to love. Left alone, we stick to our spaces, neither wanting to disturb each other. We speak the language of gratitude, gratitude for each other's company, each making the existence of other meaningful. The unspoken understanding being the beauty of our relationship. And it's been a long and happy association.

And if u are by now scratching your heads in amazement, wondering about our relationship, let me tell you, We are inseparable, and the few lost and found moments that we have had, have left our hearts standstill with fear, with separation however small, filling us with anxious tears and lines of worries, making the bonds that hold us stronger.


We are the companions on a long journey, whose presence not only gives the other the happy feeling of a familiar presence, but is also a source of strength. On the strange and unfamiliar roads that we travel we are each other's source of comfort.

                                                  This is the story of my Life.

                                                   
                                                       The Life of a Suitcase.

                           

Randomness

The underlying theme of this post is Chaos and Cribbing ( now that u have been adequately warned proceed to read at your own risk) because I am going to write anything and everything that will pass through my mind in whatever order the thoughts come while I am writing this post.

Pending - I have a pending assignment which I need to submit for the online coursera course that I am doing these days, a lot of medical literature that needs to be read, books that need to be read, paintings that need to be worked on, posts to be written and the list goes on

Neglect - Exercise I'm just neglecting my work out like anything (apart from may be a dozen push ups or so everyday). Dance, I need to start learning again. Swimming, I need to learn more this season and haven't even started yet (I am scared of catching cold, but soon). Travelling, I need to identify the next travel destination ASAP.

Resolution - I need to tell someone I love him, It was a realization that struck me a while back, I didn't knew when or how it happened, it just did and I don't know if it's such a good idea (telling him, I might end up ruining an amazing friendship), I'm not even sure if he feels the same about me, but I do know how I feel about him, and I had promised myself once that If I ever feel the way I feel for him for anyone, I would tell the person concerned. So I'm mustering courage and going through the vicious cycle of sense and sensibility to tell him. (Whoever said love was easy was a bloody fool, with not even an ounce of  idea of what a pain in ass it is)

Inertia - I am suffering from what Newton described centuries ago, an inherent resistance toward any kind of change, I am lethargic and yet I seek activity, I wish to be left alone and yet I wish I had people around to share and have fun with, I wish to do projects and things and yet I'm not willing to exert myself. I want to travel and yet I am scared. Why? What is holding me back? I do not know and I am mad at myself for being so confused.

Feeling - at times elated, at times miserable, tired of being constantly at war within, angry at my innate lethargy, lonely, so much that my loneliness is threatening to consume me and then in between all these feelings, I experienced joy, understanding, peace while star gazing (It's spring time and the nights are just perfect to star gaze while lying on your back in the garden while the wind lulls u into sleep at night). In short these days the word dysfunctional describes me in one word.

This - ' If u do what u love for a living, u never have to work a day in your life ' - unknown. I don't love what I am doing (but it's the only thing I know how to do best), I am doing what I am doing because I don't know what I love doing. It's not a nice state to be stuck in especially when your worst fear in life, is not to have done the best with what u had been given. It makes me miserable to think that I may be giving into complacency, that I am letting my fears to cage me in, and I struggling to break past the barriers of my comfort zone and then I wonder why? what is it that I seek? or is this just an excuse to not working hard? I don't know, but I do believe, If u love doing something, u automatically work hard for it.

Travel wish - to visit Japan in Sakura season and enjoy the delightful beauty of cherry blossoms with him.

Others - Reading Theory of Multiple intelligence these days, made frozen strawberry yogurt and chocolate mousse, read about various varieties of potatoes the other day (don't ask why?)

Stillness speaks - 'Joy is the best make up that a woman can wear'
                           ' Chaos is the underlying theme in the entire scheme of universe, seeking to escape it is not the solution, embracing it is ' - Realized this as I was reading the original script of Newton's three laws of motions the other day.
                            ' Peace cannot be found, unless it is within.' No matter how far, how long u may go searching for it, unless u have made peace with yourself, the relief u find will only be momentary and u will keep wandering in search of it. People or places, charms or memories do not bring peace, it's understanding that does.
                                                                        Phew.

If anyone of u have had the patience to read this far, I am Done (for this post, the crib attack may return). I had to let this all out, not that it's going to make a difference, but then it's better to have spilled my sack of moaning out in the universe, and done my bit in spreading around some more chaos, and may be somewhere in the chaos, my cribs will find some tidbits to quench themselves.

I Believe...

Inception of chaos was probably done by universe because it could not stand the monotony of orderly existence, and in the end everything will end up being as it should have been with the interceding chaos being just universe's way of amusing itself.

 So let the chaos be,

 embrace it, 

enjoy it 

and 

somewhere down the line u

 will find your exit out of the maze.

--

Stillness speaks

Goa 2013

The travel lust was beginning to settle in again, I was tired, restless and cranky, and so, before It could consume me, I took a break from the twists and turns of everyday life and landed in Goa for a short vacation.

It wasn't the first time I was going to be in Goa, but it was the first time when I had 3 days in Goa to be explored at my own leisure. I had no set itinerary, no list of places except a few diners which I wanted to explore, but nothing else.

I decided to stay on Baga beach, my hotel Ronil Beach resort, was just 5 mins walk away from the beach and also right in the center of all the happening places around, since I was travelling alone and India is probably the most unsafe place for women travelers on their own, I decided to play safe and stick to exploring areas in and around me. For 3 days I stole myself away from work, from the knick knacks of daily life and let Goa seduce me with it beauty, peace and quiet (of course Baga is not the place where u will find peace, but I went exploring and found quieter places). It was a mixed bag of experiences, sometimes thrilling and great fun, filled with discoveries and interactions, sometimes filled with loneliness and longing for company.

I met random people, An artist, who gave me a lot of tips on painting, A hotelier, with whom I discussed about local goan cuisine, beach shacks etc etc, A Scottish psychotherapist at a bar, who had been living and working in Goa since a couple of years, An old couple in their mid-nineties, having an evening walk together, on the beach and heard their story. Explored beaches (Baga, calungate, the noisier one's and  Bardez, Ashwem, the quiet and peaceful one's), Clicked pictures, chucked caution in the air and did para-sailing and water skiing, played with the sand, watched sunset, partied late and danced, explored diners, discovered some good local dishes, had my spectacles blow away from the top of my head by a strong sea breeze !!! ( and then stumbled around the streets of Goa, nearly blind for a one whole day and had a few hilarious incidents ) or just sat in my room doing nothing except relaxing.

But I had my break and was happy to have one. Though at the end of it I was wishing, I had been a little less prudent and cautious and a bit more adventurous. I wish I had stepped farther out of my comfort zone than I did, but then to most people whom I met in my trip, the fact that I was a girl, having a vacation on my own seemed an adventurous ( and to some strange, after all who the hell vacations alone in Goa!!!, well I did) undertaking in the first place.

Up in the air

Baga beach, in morning

Dodol, a local goan sweet dish made from jaggery, molasses and coconut milk.

A dream left abandoned

A dream in making

A dream come true.
what more can one seek from life,
than
to be able to find love
such as this.
To have lived, loved and aged together.
To have dreamed and seen those dreams come true
and
in the twilight of life
still
have one another.
What other treasures can one seek
except
to love and be loved
what greater treasure can life bestow
on one
than
Love such as this.

May we all be as blessed as them.

foot prints in the sands of time

Ashwem Beach

Sunset

Just another Day

Just another day of my life, started with the end of night duties and began with my precious two days of off. Sometime during the course of the day I just decided to spend it at my own leisure, laid back, enjoying without keeping track of loosing time, without worrying about the countless chores that I should and could fit in the day before it's gone.

I decided to not loose the experience, that a day in my life could be, to the worry of chasing the the hours, minutes and seconds that filled the day. I decided to not let the joy of experiencing of being in a moment, be consumed by ceaseless worrying about the moment that would be or had been.

I decided to be, To be in the moment.

And so I did not make the mental list of things to be done, topics to be read, people to be met, plans to be made, instead I decided to do just whatever I wanted to do with my day.

The first thing I did was, to open the book I'd tried reading during the night shift (without making any progress because of hectic duty), the book was The time keeper by Mitch Albom, few pages down, the fatigue of 48 hrs of work lulled me into a dreamless and peaceful sleep. Again I broke the rules and slept off without bothering to set an alarm, woke up at my leisure, had a bath, ate and then got back to reading my book while enjoying whatever was left of the daylight, took a break in between and went cycling and got back to reading it. Finished the book late in evening, got a disappointing news and handled it with calm and composure. Decided to check on my mails, found an important article related to work, finished reading it, had a light conversation with a friend on phone, began reading my second book of the day, a biography ' Life has no full stops. ' Walked out and realized that it was a beautiful, clear star studded night, which could not be wasted without star gazing, so went for a walk with the twinkling star and soft cool breeze for company. Got back, to the book and decided to interrupt reading to write this post.

This is how I spent another day of my life, while I was walking tonight I was musing about something that I had read in the book (The timekeeper) today,

' Man alone measures time.
  Man alone chimes the hour.
  And, because of this, man alone suffers a paralyzing fear that no other creature endures.
  A fear of time running out.'

True, I live in the fear of not having done enough with the time that I have been given. and then another line that I had read in the book popped up in my mind,

" Why did u measure the days and nights?
   To know.

Why do I ask questions? why do I struggle to know? I remember asking myself asking this earlier in the day and my answer had been, To understand. To understand myself better, to use that understanding to bring about a change in me, change the things that are not so right in me, so that the change would help me do the best with the time that I have. And I was reminded of the line beneath, that I had read in the same book,

"Understanding is more important than knowing"

And then, I remembered, marking these lines -

" You marked the minutes." the old man said. " But did u use them wisely? To be still? To cherish? To be grateful? To lift and be lifted? "

These words reminded me again of something that I have a knack of forgetting and have to keep reminding myself again and again - Be grateful for what u have, cherish it, the things, the comforts, the family and the people whom u just take for granted and above all, use what life has given to you, to give back to it, if not as much as u have been given, at least a little, and u will have done enough, with what u had been given.

And I found my Zen again.

Chandni Chowk - foodwalk

My world revolves around travel, food and love. Travel, requires a lot of brain raking and hard work and the only easy thing about love is learning how to spell it, so for a lazy being like me, food is the easiest to get and so out of the three food it is that I indulge myself most in.

Since, I can't cook even half as decently as would impress the taste buds of the food lover in me, I go around searching for great food cooked by people who are blessed with the beautiful gift of cooking. And mercifully these people (with their amazing food) can be found anywhere and everywhere, in our own house like our mothers (sometimes fathers), grand mothers, aunts, neighbors, just around the corner as the street food options or farther (and expensive) in restaurants, fine diners and farther (and more expensive) the featured and starred chef diners and farther in every little village, town in any country.

Of course I could save myself all this effort (at times disaster) of going in search of food, reading about it, sampling it (that is when u come to know about the success or the disaster that the undertaking was) and learn to cook myself (I do try), but like I said, I am lazy and also because it makes these good natured people who cook (this is something I have noticed, that all good cooks are good natured) very happy, when people eat their food and love it. And so I go about eating their food, paying for it not just with money but also with my compliments and sharing the joy that their food gave me with others by recommending them to people I know and off late by blogging about it.

My quest for food has taken me often to the narrow lanes of Chandni Chowk. This part of Delhi, also called as old delhi, a maze of countless narrow, congested lanes, with it's countless big and small shops, warehouses is the biggest whole sale market in India, name it and you will find it here. But this place also happens to be a treasure trove of food, heritage and culture, it hides in it deep lanes and dark corners many little eateries (if u know where to find them) that are institutions and will leave u licking your fingers and wanting for more. Being somebody who has lived in Delhi, I visit Chandni Chowk often, and now with the ease of connectivity with two metro stations, Chawri bazar and Chandni Chowk in it's heart, I can visit it and enjoy it's tasteful food to my heart's content.

If u are planning to visit Chandni Chowk to experience it's food delights, u can make for yourself an itinerary by referring to these websites and blogs : http://www.delhitourism.gov.in/delhitourism/eating_out/purani_delhi_food.jsp (a comprehensive guide by Delhi Tourism), http://www.thedelhiwalla.com/ for suggestions and directions, this blogpost of @Finelychopped http://www.finelychopped.net/2012/09/the-mystique-of-dilli-6.html . I have found these websites and blogs very informative and helpful.

The list of shops and food that one can find in Chandni Chowk is endless, and I have not yet compiled a list of all the places that I have visited or eaten at. But the few that I have and would recommend are -

Paranthewali gali - Parantha are a type of stuffed Indian bread made of wheat dough, fried in ghee or oil and served with pickles and chutneys. They are made in all Indian homes, but the reason why one would want to travel all the way to Chandni chowk is 'cuz these shops (now only 3 left out of 60) offer paranthas fried in Ghee and range from the regular aloo, paneer to Bitter Gourd, lemon, khurchan. I have tried paneer, aloo, lemon, bitter gourd and mixed veg at Pandit gaya prasad shiv charan paranthewale and loved them. To confess I have shunned eating bitter gourd, but I dared to try the parantha and it was mouth watering, so was the lemon one (made from dried lemon powder) especially when eaten with the Pumpkin chutney. (To reach walk out of Chandni Chowk metro station and either hire a Rikhsaw or ask someone for directions to paranthe wali gali, it's a narrow lane on the left when u are walking from redfort towards sitaram bazar)

Daulat ki chaat - a sweet dish made out of pure whipped cream, It's just as amazing to taste as it is to look. U will find this at many small mobile stalls across Chandni Chowk. It's one of the best whipped creams that I have tasted, neither too sweet, nor too heavy and yet fresh and it melts away in mouth before u have had the fill of it.

Kulfi - It's a milk based ice-cream, served with or without falooda, and is available in many flavors across India, but Chandni Chowk of course offers u some unique variations of it own. There are many kulfi shops offering u a delightful piece of this dessert, but for an experience do visit Siya Ramnannumal kulfiwale (near Ajmeri gate) or Shri dhoolichand naresh gupta kulfiwale in Sitaram bazar. I suggest u try their orange kulfi, pomegranate sorbet and mixed fruit kulfi.
                              But the real gem, is the kulfi served by the elusive road side Kulfi baba, who if and when found is found somewhere along the chawari bazar lane during afternoon. There are no fancy ingredients or flavors that his kulfi has to boast about, just milk, sugar and saffron, and yet it will make you fall in love with kulfi all over again, I guess what makes his kulfi special is the subtlety with which these basic ingredients have been blended and the love with which he serves them with. At the age of 80 baba is alive with his stories and his love for kulfi.

The kulfi frozen within orange pulp.

Kulfi baba with his kulfi @ Rs 10 which can give any 5 star chef a run for their money

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Nankhatai - I have a special corner for these cookies sans all the fuss and fancy techniques that modern cookie baking comes with, because these were the first cookies I remember falling in love with. There is nothing special about flour, butter and sugar mixed together baked over coals and yet there is, the subtle fusion of flavors, the beauty of this dish lies in it's sheer simplicity. This is how I guess cookies came into being and it's a joy to bite in one of these freshly baked golden brown Nankhatais wait for them to melt away in mouth. I used to think they had become extinct and so it was joy to find them being baked here and there across Chandni Chowk. I hope that they never become extinct.

Nankhatai

Chaat - Another thing that Chandni chowk is famous for, and though I cannot recommend any particular shops, because they are all equally great with their own concoctions, I do recommend that as u go about exploring, do try the gol gappa, papdi chaat, aloo chat etc from different shops that u can find.

Ashok chaat bhandar, is a shop I often eat at (because of it's convenient location, right at the turn while getting out of chawri bazar metro station, and can recommend their gol gappe, papdi chaat and kalmi ke vade ki chaat ( a must try), as u will walk down the lane, about 100 paces down u will find a small shop serving aloo chat and kulle ki chaat (they hollow fruits and vegetable and fill them with spicy bengal gram).
Chole kulche is another dish that u can't miss while exploring food in chandni chowk, I enjoyed it at the road side stall right opposite Ashok chaat bhandar. Another thing not to be missed is the Kanji vada.

Ghantewala - right at the entrance of paranthewali gali has now become a sort of chandni chowk food legend, though I am not sure if the flavor is a legend too, but I do recommend their pista samosa, kalakand and sohan halwa as worth a try.

The list doesn't end here, but my patience to continue writing this post has (and I am sure so has the patience of the reader, if any who has managed to read this far). I'll leave u to savor these dishes for now, and save the rest for another blog post. Bon appetit!