Sunday, March 17, 2013


The underlying theme of this post is Chaos and Cribbing ( now that u have been adequately warned proceed to read at your own risk) because I am going to write anything and everything that will pass through my mind in whatever order the thoughts come while I am writing this post.

Pending - I have a pending assignment which I need to submit for the online coursera course that I am doing these days, a lot of medical literature that needs to be read, books that need to be read, paintings that need to be worked on, posts to be written and the list goes on

Neglect - Exercise I'm just neglecting my work out like anything (apart from may be a dozen push ups or so everyday). Dance, I need to start learning again. Swimming, I need to learn more this season and haven't even started yet (I am scared of catching cold, but soon). Travelling, I need to identify the next travel destination ASAP.

Resolution - I need to tell someone I love him, It was a realization that struck me a while back, I didn't knew when or how it happened, it just did and I don't know if it's such a good idea (telling him, I might end up ruining an amazing friendship), I'm not even sure if he feels the same about me, but I do know how I feel about him, and I had promised myself once that If I ever feel the way I feel for him for anyone, I would tell the person concerned. So I'm mustering courage and going through the vicious cycle of sense and sensibility to tell him. (Whoever said love was easy was a bloody fool, with not even an ounce of  idea of what a pain in ass it is)

Inertia - I am suffering from what Newton described centuries ago, an inherent resistance toward any kind of change, I am lethargic and yet I seek activity, I wish to be left alone and yet I wish I had people around to share and have fun with, I wish to do projects and things and yet I'm not willing to exert myself. I want to travel and yet I am scared. Why? What is holding me back? I do not know and I am mad at myself for being so confused.

Feeling - at times elated, at times miserable, tired of being constantly at war within, angry at my innate lethargy, lonely, so much that my loneliness is threatening to consume me and then in between all these feelings, I experienced joy, understanding, peace while star gazing (It's spring time and the nights are just perfect to star gaze while lying on your back in the garden while the wind lulls u into sleep at night). In short these days the word dysfunctional describes me in one word.

This - ' If u do what u love for a living, u never have to work a day in your life ' - unknown. I don't love what I am doing (but it's the only thing I know how to do best), I am doing what I am doing because I don't know what I love doing. It's not a nice state to be stuck in especially when your worst fear in life, is not to have done the best with what u had been given. It makes me miserable to think that I may be giving into complacency, that I am letting my fears to cage me in, and I struggling to break past the barriers of my comfort zone and then I wonder why? what is it that I seek? or is this just an excuse to not working hard? I don't know, but I do believe, If u love doing something, u automatically work hard for it.

Travel wish - to visit Japan in Sakura season and enjoy the delightful beauty of cherry blossoms with him.

Others - Reading Theory of Multiple intelligence these days, made frozen strawberry yogurt and chocolate mousse, read about various varieties of potatoes the other day (don't ask why?)

Stillness speaks - 'Joy is the best make up that a woman can wear'
                           ' Chaos is the underlying theme in the entire scheme of universe, seeking to escape it is not the solution, embracing it is ' - Realized this as I was reading the original script of Newton's three laws of motions the other day.
                            ' Peace cannot be found, unless it is within.' No matter how far, how long u may go searching for it, unless u have made peace with yourself, the relief u find will only be momentary and u will keep wandering in search of it. People or places, charms or memories do not bring peace, it's understanding that does.

If anyone of u have had the patience to read this far, I am Done (for this post, the crib attack may return). I had to let this all out, not that it's going to make a difference, but then it's better to have spilled my sack of moaning out in the universe, and done my bit in spreading around some more chaos, and may be somewhere in the chaos, my cribs will find some tidbits to quench themselves.

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