I dance


to laugh, 


to cry,


and then to forget it all and break free from the chains that hold me back,


to leave behind the world i am tired of belonging to,


to loose myself again to find myself again 


some where within the music that I surrender myself to after it has healed me.

And he just had to
walk in through the half open door,
to find
the kingdom of her heart,
that was all his.

Change - The reason

The reason - by Hoobastank

This song has one one of my most beautiful happiest and profound memory attached with it. The first time I heard this song, I was standing in midst of about 8-10 children between the ages of 3 months to 5 years holding a 9 month old baby girl in my hand, with a friend in a place called 'Akanksha' a shelter home for abandoned and unwanted children, which had been started in my medical school, by one of my teachers ( a veteran obstetrician and gynecologist Dr. S. Chabra)

And it was while I was standing there watching these children smiling and playing around happily that I first heard these lyrics 

                         'I found out the reason for me, to change who I used to be, a reason to start over new and the reason is you....and the reason is you..'

In that moment, watching those children, I stood grasping the huge difference that had been brought in their life, by this thoughtful, generous and kind act of this one person. Thanks to this one person these children will be taken care of till they are adopted by good families & if not, a fund has been set up for their education. This one person with her one act of thoughtfulness will be bringing about such a beautiful and significant change in so many lives. Her one act has managed to save so many lives from becoming a waste, and if even a few of these children manage to remember and appreciate and inculcate the same kindness in themselves, a chain reaction will have begun.

That moment is one of the most beautiful, happiest, strongest and most profound memory that I have and shall cherish for the rest of my life. Because in that moment I was reminded of the importance of the act of doing. That to bring about the change we crave, all we need to do is take a step, howsoever small and If the intent that lies beneath the initiative is good, that one step shall become the building block of the bridge of change. That one act became the reason for me to look at life with a new outlook.

It reminded me of the joy that comes with an act of kindness and the power of doing. The amazing change that a human being with a heart filled with love, dedication, empathy and determination can bring about.

That experience has been my source of strength in the lowest of my times. It has been my source of inspiration to do something responsible with this life that I have been gifted, to appreciate what I have and to utilize it as best as I can.

It has helped me believe in the things I want to do, the conviction to hold on to my dreams, the strength to work for the changes I wish to bring, to take the tiny little steps, to do tiny little things,  however tiny they might be, to bring about a change in the lives of those whom I surround with my own existence. And to not be deterred from doing things that I want t,o no matter how insignificant people may tell me that my actions might be in this huge ocean, I do take them. I take them believing that if nothing else, I will at least have the satisfaction of not having just sat cribbing. 

And I owe it to the one thought, which was converted into action by that one person and remembering the change that one act brought in me, I am sharing this experience with the hope that sharing it might help spread the chain reaction of change and the attitude to 'Dream, to believe and to Work for what we believe in'

'cuz as the song begins 'I am not a perfect person, There are many things I wish I did'nt do, but I continue learning.....'

None of us are perfect, and though we may not be able to undo a lot of many things we might have done wrong in our lives, but it's never too late to learn and to try.....and make this life of our's a bit more meaningful than it already is :)

The Haunted

It was...

One of those moments when the cold feeling she worked so hard to run away from, finally caught up with her. Slamming into her so hard, that she was left gasping. These were the moments when she stood face to face with her stillness, when she could no longer mute the noise within, instead the noise of the world and the life she was a part of, stood muted, by the roar of the storm that was raging within. Moments when she found herself  helplessly churning within the whirlpool of her choked up emotions, throttled self, locked up desires, chained dreams struggling to break free from the chains that held them,. 


She knew that cold touch. 

It was the touch of loneliness, her old nemesis, that relentlessly haunted her and It left her shivering. These were the moments when the emptiness that came with her loneliness felt like a huge burden she was dragging around.

She struggled to hold herself together, till she could get away from the world and lock herself within those comforting walls of her washroom, where she could watch herself break into pieces, feeling the stab of pain that came with every piece that broke, a place where the cry that came with every stab would go unheard. Where she could be left alone to struggle with the questions that had no answers, the problems that had no solutions.

She struggled to hold herself together, till she could slump against those stone cold walls and find comfort against the unyielding stone. While the tears washed away the grief that she could no longer hold within. 

And then She let the tears flow. These tears knew her story, they knew her, her pain, her emptiness, her desires, her longings, her joy, her ecstasy, they knew her like none other, they were her solitary solace, those tears, those cold stone walls and the silently gazing mirror. Before them she was a mask less naked soul, without any charade.

She held herself tightly with her arms, wishing that another hand would reach out to her, and knowing full well there would be none, she let the warmth of the tears caress and heal her. 

She did not know for how long it lasted, for how long she had wept, how many tears she had shed.

Before the storm finally passed over. And emptied of emotion, she felt the calm seep in. Slowly she found her strength return from within. She stood up facing the mirror, and within the very mirror where she had watched herself shatter, she saw her self regenerating.

The questions still remained and the problems were still unsolved, but she had found within herself the strength to begin again, her lonely journey to find the answers she sought and the hope that someday she would walk down her road, holding the hand she had always waited to hold.

                                                

                                                  

The tale of the tribe of lovers

There is a feeling that we all experience, at some point or the other in our lives, which cannot be explained with words, but it is there, an unexplained restless wistful gloominess.


A growing discontent, while having all that we had wished and worked for, while watching the dreams we had dreamed grow and take shape and being surrounded by the dreams that we had seen come true, and yet finding no sense of content or joy in our achievements.........there is a vague longing for something that we seemed to have missed in our life, like the center piece of jig-saw puzzle, without which the puzzle is meaningless, it's a feeling stubbornly resistant to all our attempts to escape its clutches, a feeling that, once when it enters the consciousness of our being just threatens to render our soul joyless and restless.

And it is then when u sit experiencing this feeling, trying to figure out what that missing piece of your life's jigsaw puzzle is, that u realize, that your soul is no longer being content with just being it's own company. And that this discontent is nothing but the emptiness of your soul, seeking an end to it's loneliness, seeking someone to share itself with, to be listened and understood. It is the emptiness of a living soul, that lies beneath the genesis of love.

It is this longing of a soul, that is love.

And thus it is no wonder, that love can be such a changing experience, because it is a soul, with a desire not to just exist with it's own self, but to share itself, to learn, and to grow. It is a soul no longer closed, rather one that is ready to brush past it's fellow companions in this sea of existence to fulfill it's destiny, ready not to just make it's presence felt, to feel the presence of others, ready to understand, because it seeks to be understood, ready to listen, because it no longer wants to speak to silence, rather it wants to talk out aloud and to be heard. And it is then that the soul begins it's journey to find other wanderers like it's own self, while searching for the one that shall be the one to quench it's thirst. It is this longing, that gives loves it's strength to bring about unfathomable changes. That opens one human being to reach out for another, to seek others like themselves.

So, when your souls is ready and it sounds the siren of it's longing, heed that call and let yourself experience the magic of love and let it light up the spark that is lying dormant within you, and watch the spectacle unfold, let your journey begin.........and though it will be a bitter sweet journey but when love has finished itself with u, and when u find your spring the sweetness of it shall not leave behind a memory of that bitter taste.

I have begun my journey....happy journey to those who are yet to begun and a prayer for a beautiful end for fellow travelers who are already on the quest.

Life

It was a beautiful early Winter's night yesterday, lit up with the silvery pale moonlight of a gorgeous moon accompanied with a solitary star and me, on it's journey into the night along the vast sky.
                                                         I just sat mesmerized, immersing myself in the slowly unfolding magical spectacle of nature. I let myself break free from the turbulent ocean of my everyday life, stepping into the flow of calm serenity of the peaceful night. I sat at peace with myself, at peace with life and all that it puts me through, with nothing but a warm sense of serene peace and calm within me.
                                                         It wasn't the first time I was experiencing this delight, but everytime I do, it makes me feel as if in these moments, life is whispering in my ears
                                                       ' Dear child, I never left you alone, that I am right here walking beside you, watching out for you every single minute. And that  I know that you have been walking the tough road for a while now, but tonight u can let go off your cares, while I wrap u in my embrace, tend to your wounds, fill u with joy and rejuvenate you. Tonight just breathe in, this peace, and let it heal you.'
                                                        These are the moments when, I let go and become a child, while life takes me in it's arms, listens to the dreams, the yearnings and the longings of my heart, slowly soothing me, giving me strength and hope to bring some true, and courage to let go the one's that have shattered.
                                                        These are the moments when I am thankful for being so blessed and loved. The moments when I am just happy to be, when I am not running after something or running away from something. In these moments I live life moment by moment, wishing that the night would just not end, that the day would never begin, that each moment would last forever.
                                                        In these moments, I know that I am richer than anyone else, because, even if these last for just a little while, and are rare to come by, in these moments I experience something more precious, than any treasure in the world could buy.
                                                   
                 These are the moments that make life worth all the sweat and toil it comes with. After all, no journey is complete without potholes and no journey is fun without a little rendezvous with adventure.

So, tarry on dear traveler, May life take care of u always and may love never leave u alone in your journey.
                                           

Things to do before I die

There are somethings that I have always wanted to do in my life. A few experiences that I have romanced with as ideas ,always dreaming that I would live them too someday.

Some of those dreams turned into reality, but a reality in which I found myself lost, before, I could finally figure out that I was actually living my own dreams that had come true.

 They taught me an important lesson, that, dreams do come true, but it is not necessary that they will come true just like I had imagined them. So, it is always important to remember our dreams, so that when we see them again with eyes wide open we don't forget them.

That is why, some days when I find myself moving far away from dreams, when something in my hearts tells me that my tiny little dreams (Ok! some which are bordering on madness) are fading away, I jot them down in my little list of 'Things to do before I die', the list which started off as a little one is now growing rapidly, but it is a precious reminder to me of the innocence that still lives within. Because dreams are precious, u never know which little one, just might change the course of your life, I cannot afford to loose mine.

I was making a tiny addition to that list tonight, when I just wondered why do I continue making this list longer, I found my answer in what I have shared above.

Keep dreaming, Keep living, and finding the dreams that come true in the Jigsaw puzzle called 'Our life'