26

Someone once told me, birthdays are magical days, but this year, there was no magic and I kept wondering why!! and then I realized that it's probably because -  

Even after 25 years of having been alive and kicking, I am still blundering around, trying to find my road, to find the fuel that shall turn on the light within into a raging inferno.....25 yrs of not coming in terms with my own self, of lacking an understanding of my self....What a shame and What a huge waste of a life.
            I am angry with myself for wasting away the gift of life, angry with myself at being so confused, angry with myself when I see people who've found their passions and what that passion can do to a human being and how that drive can make life such a beauty, angry that I can't still find mine because I had rather be a flower of a day, filled with passion, purpose and to have done something worthwhile in that one day, than having had a life time of nothing but existing....being passionless, makes me angry and my anger makes me weary of myself.

Wish List

March happens to be my birthday month (25th being the day), I am a disaster when it comes to wishing, most of the times I begin with 'I wish......Full stop. And I end up saying, go ahead life, give me whatever u think is best for me.'  And this I think is the reason of my disastrous wish response record, 'cuz I read it somewhere, 'If u want something, be specific about it.' So this year I have decided to break free from my usual wish making and make a tiny wish list of my own.

So for my 25th Birthday and the year to come ahead I wish for -

Surprise, surprise and lots of surprises.
A bunch of white daisies :D :D
A white and blue party dress and sexy sandals.
A beach vacation.
Hot air balloon ride and sand dune party.
A trekking trip and cottage vacation.
Determination and perseverance and patience to work hard and Clear the exams I am targeting this year.
May love find me and may I find love (of course I have lots of people of love), but here I am referring to the one and only ;).

This my tiny little Birthday wishlist. I shall keep u updated about it's progress through blog posts.

Love and smiles.

Mesmerizing Udaipur

The Jagmandir Island - floating in midst of the lake
the ferry dropped us here and then we never wanted to leave.
While we sat watching the mainland, the hill lined lake side lazing
under the peace and quiet afternoon sun.

The pool at the palace I was staying in
and if u think it's lovely by the day, It just turns magical by the night
I lay counting stars at night,
watching the night grow older, quieter
while I grew calmer within.

I went for a work trip to Udaipur, in Rajasthan, India for a couple of days. A beautiful town situated around three main lakes Udaisagar, Fateh Sagar and Lake Picola. Known as the 'Venice of East' It did live up to the description it has been adorned with.

It turned out to be a smashing fun trip as I and my friend Jacob, decided to explore the city on our own, walking it's streets (with a little help of helpful locals and internet) we discovered that the city had more than just stone palaces to offer, in terms of folk art, innovative ideas and experiences.

For three days, I broke free from the usual rush of life, and lived life in slow motion, holding on to each moment that came by, savoring each moment while it lasted before moving into the next. For three days I walked mesmerized by the beautiful city with it's majestic palaces, lakes, island hotel, moonlight lake view diners, peaceful lakeside afternoons and magical sunsets.

While we were mostly too busy capturing the moments and imprinting them as memories on the film of our minds, we did manage to capture a few as photographs on the lens of our camera. Here are a few

The City Palace, Udaipur all lighted up at night

I watched the sun slowly set, heard the birds calling those still
wandering away from homes back, and I knew why those
who were still out were not back in their nests
'cuz they were just as spellbound as I was with the magic the setting sun was weaving.

I never wanted to get out of the spell,
I never wanted to get down the hill we had climbed
I never wanted the music of the blowing wind to stop
I never wanted that moment to end
I just wanted to continue living in this moment
In fact in some corner of my mind I will continue living in that moment forever.

And not to be left behind,
the city began lightening up, to match up with the sunset with it's grandeur
while we just stood by as The Enchanted Spectators

And if u think it were only the nights that were magical
the days were no less, it was a magic of different kind.

This was a puppet show we attended, amateur but not bad with the music and dance.

This was at a vegetarian food joint 'the millets of Marwar' run by young cooks, who have worked
hard on their own recipes, tested them, added their own innovative touch
to the traditional Indian food, we were bowled over by their food
and I found this artist of Marwar paintings  and decided to get a few tips for this hobby of mine.

This was just plain hilarious, at a cultural haat  on the outskirts of Udaipur, showcasing different
dance forms that Rajasthan has to offer

The Aghori Dance

Taran taal another amazing dance form of Rajasthan

 The palace and it's beauties, the windows, the gateways, the beautiful glass work in and around.

This was terrifying, trust me it was one hell of a scary ride
I'm done with camel rides for a lifetime now.

Be the change

                                                               BloodAid
                                                  http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fvoices.halabol.com%2F10-social-media-stories-social-change-india&h=HAQFQ51f7 

A little thing of which I am a small contributor, helping to bring about a little change,

I dance


to laugh, 


to cry,


and then to forget it all and break free from the chains that hold me back,


to leave behind the world i am tired of belonging to,


to loose myself again to find myself again 


some where within the music that I surrender myself to after it has healed me.

And he just had to
walk in through the half open door,
to find
the kingdom of her heart,
that was all his.

Change - The reason

The reason - by Hoobastank

This song has one one of my most beautiful happiest and profound memory attached with it. The first time I heard this song, I was standing in midst of about 8-10 children between the ages of 3 months to 5 years holding a 9 month old baby girl in my hand, with a friend in a place called 'Akanksha' a shelter home for abandoned and unwanted children, which had been started in my medical school, by one of my teachers ( a veteran obstetrician and gynecologist Dr. S. Chabra)

And it was while I was standing there watching these children smiling and playing around happily that I first heard these lyrics 

                         'I found out the reason for me, to change who I used to be, a reason to start over new and the reason is you....and the reason is you..'

In that moment, watching those children, I stood grasping the huge difference that had been brought in their life, by this thoughtful, generous and kind act of this one person. Thanks to this one person these children will be taken care of till they are adopted by good families & if not, a fund has been set up for their education. This one person with her one act of thoughtfulness will be bringing about such a beautiful and significant change in so many lives. Her one act has managed to save so many lives from becoming a waste, and if even a few of these children manage to remember and appreciate and inculcate the same kindness in themselves, a chain reaction will have begun.

That moment is one of the most beautiful, happiest, strongest and most profound memory that I have and shall cherish for the rest of my life. Because in that moment I was reminded of the importance of the act of doing. That to bring about the change we crave, all we need to do is take a step, howsoever small and If the intent that lies beneath the initiative is good, that one step shall become the building block of the bridge of change. That one act became the reason for me to look at life with a new outlook.

It reminded me of the joy that comes with an act of kindness and the power of doing. The amazing change that a human being with a heart filled with love, dedication, empathy and determination can bring about.

That experience has been my source of strength in the lowest of my times. It has been my source of inspiration to do something responsible with this life that I have been gifted, to appreciate what I have and to utilize it as best as I can.

It has helped me believe in the things I want to do, the conviction to hold on to my dreams, the strength to work for the changes I wish to bring, to take the tiny little steps, to do tiny little things,  however tiny they might be, to bring about a change in the lives of those whom I surround with my own existence. And to not be deterred from doing things that I want t,o no matter how insignificant people may tell me that my actions might be in this huge ocean, I do take them. I take them believing that if nothing else, I will at least have the satisfaction of not having just sat cribbing. 

And I owe it to the one thought, which was converted into action by that one person and remembering the change that one act brought in me, I am sharing this experience with the hope that sharing it might help spread the chain reaction of change and the attitude to 'Dream, to believe and to Work for what we believe in'

'cuz as the song begins 'I am not a perfect person, There are many things I wish I did'nt do, but I continue learning.....'

None of us are perfect, and though we may not be able to undo a lot of many things we might have done wrong in our lives, but it's never too late to learn and to try.....and make this life of our's a bit more meaningful than it already is :)