Randomness - Difference in Opinion

Randomness is back. This time with a lot of words for my dear readers to ruminate upon.

Flavour of news these days in India is what PM Modi did or CM Yogi did. And Flavour of World news these days is what joke of himself will President Trump make of himself today.

ofcourse, the issue of GM mustard, decreasing job opportunities or the pathetic state of our public health infrastructure and initiative, is not really the concern of either media or Government in this nation.  Oops!! My apologies for forgetting to ask, did anyone by any chance come across any news coverage this year about the Drought situation or Farmer's woes???

Well, why should these above issues matter to anyone of us? We are either busy being indifferent or busy fighting on social media to prove our viewpoint. The Governments of the day, have taken this fight a step further, because by virtue of being in Government they have the capacity to Ban, anything and everything that according to them is either harmful or hurtful of the sentiments of those who form the Government.

And so the flavour of the World these days is Bans, Bans and more Bans. Ban immigrants, Ban Alcohol, Ban Beef etc etc etc. At this rate, I am waiting for the day when soon the world leaders of different countries, will ban each other's countries.

It's amusing to me, that with all the advancements to the credit of Human race, we are still incapable of accepting our differences with humility and grace rather than using force of gags and bans!!

Anyways coming to the point of this post, and I am going to begin by committing the biggest mistake any writer is preached not to commit - I am going to begin, by giving a piece of my mind to whoever has come down this far on this post -

                        More than anything else, The Human race collectively, needs to learn ( and in a few cases relearn) to Respect, Accept, Embrace and Value - Differences of Opinions.

Difference in Opinion is just as natural as genetic diversity. Just as no two sets of DNA can be alike, neither can our opinions be. They are the essence and essential ingredients of humanity and the very foundation of it's growth.
          These differences are what define us, set us apart, give us the impetus to challenge, discover and invent.

If We all thought alike or agreed over everything, how would we question? How would we become better? Seek something new?

You may like the colour orange, I may prefer Red. You may prefer being a vegetarian, I may prefer being a non-vegetarian. You may prefer wearing a hijab, I may prefer my bikini. You may love your Coke, I my Whiskey. You may prefer spicy food, I may want mine bland.

Why has it all of a sudden become so essential for us, to have the whole world confer to our world view, our beliefs, our feelings, our ideology?

Why can't we no longer, respect a person for having a thought process different than our own? Or learn to embrace our differences as our diversity?

Rather than seeking agreement, let us start seeking disagreement.
Let us agree to disagree, not because it makes us progressive, cool, hip, right, left or centre, but because disagreement is the driving force that pushes us to question, to seek and thus to discover, create or invent. It is as fundamental to being human as is being alive.

Someone said curiosity is the mother of invention. Well, the mother of Curiosity, is Difference of Opinion. And we collectively as a race are happy these days to start wars, kill each other and our planet, to stifle this Difference of Opinion.

Humanity has the potential to build, nurture and create, but we are too busy destroying our own self, our race and our Planet to prove to each other that 'It is either my way or highway'

Food for thought......For a healthier world.

Metro Musings

You must be wondering, musings in a Metro train?

Well, yes, I do know mountains, retreats, forests or riversides are the usual cliches, when it comes to musing.

But, in our busy city dwelling lives, unsuspecting and unusual places like toilet seats, traffic signals, flights, airports, and of course, Metro trains, have become the unlikely sources of stimulus and thus, rescuers of many a philosophical souls like mine. 

And so here it is, one of the musings from my daily metro commute - 

Thanks to the usual Delhi metro crowd, I found myself seatless and standing by one of the exit gates, and this is how I noticed, the Stark change in the scenery, from the drab and dark tunnel to the all modern, clean metro station with it's tiled floors, escalators, neon lights etc etc

And all of a sudden my mind wandered over to the current construction going on the Delhi-Gurgaon stretch of NH-8, currently in it's formative stages with no finishing touches, and my wandering mind began wondering about the time, when this metro station must have been under-construction, the difference that it must have been then and it is now.........

                                       Well the dots, that my mind connected led to this sudden realisation -

About How we daily see and use our highways, metros, airports, bridges and railway tracks etc

                        We are very happy using and enjoying these finished products, without wondering about the journey of their inception. 

                  We never spare a thought, that beneath these strong structures are the, not so beautiful concrete pillars, the drains, their chemical compositions and construction. We also, forget that all these are a result of the calculations, sweat, trials and errors of the mental and physical labour of countless people we never see or acknowledge.  

                                 Infact, we may be seeing or travelling with these nameless faces daily, without ever knowing, that it is their persistent efforts in the face of harsh summers and winters, under sun or rain, that are the reason for making our daily commutes easier. Without ever offering them any gratitude or even saying a prayer of thanks!!

Strange? Isn't it?

How we Spend our lives, without looking beneath and beyond the superficial surface that our Eyes see. 

How now a days we just chase after the glamorous facade, without seeking to look beyond, what is apparent.

How we are so pre-occupied with the superficial and mundane that we no longer bother about going within, and searching in our depth for the roots or Genesis of our problems, our motives, our feelings and our desires.

How far and disconnected we have become even from our own selves!!

How we simply sit by the shores of the Ocean, without actually diving deep into it. 

And you know, What's funny? That we outrage, get angry or feel bad when people around us, instead of digging deep, superficially and thoughtlessly judge us or our efforts or work. But, when we do the same to others in our daily lives, we hardly break a Sweat!!

Food for thought. Isn't it?

I believe we become wiser, when we have taught ourselves to seek and see beyond the evident. When we learn to be thoughtful and mindful. When learn to be thankful and cherish what we have, rather than taking our comforts for granted.

              When we learn that taking that leap of faith into the unknown, beyond our bubble of comfort is where, we will find hidden treasures and baubles of wisdom, newer roads and companions, which will help us live our lives better, richer and more fuller. 

Dare yourself to look beyond what your eyes can see, let your mind wander and explore to find magic and stories hidden all around you. Gift yourself this journey of exploration, and life will no longer be just mundane.

(P.S. - Before, I sign out, a piece of my mind to NHAI and MCD Gurgaon, who never bothered to discuss with the citizens of the city, before implementing their construction plans. The very citizens who now suffer daily mammoth jams, Nor did anyone break a leg before cutting off 300 or more odd trees and destroying Citizen's parks for this construction!!! And it will be a George Lucas's space saga equivalent to hope that NHAI will work to try and finish this project as early as possible and in the end replant and restore are the trees and parks.

         So much for being a people's government!! A government which doesn't even bother to have open discussions with citizens it is impacting)

Inertia

Inertia,

Yes,

The first law of motion by Newton in classical physics. But, what most people fail to understand is, that it is also the first law of life.

Strange? Yes.

Doubtful? No.

Inertia is referred to, as an inherent state of an object to resist as much as possible, any change in its present state, whether it be rest or motion.

In other words, it is the tendency of any matter, to remain resting if it is at rest or in motion if it is in motion. And it requires an external force to break this inertia.

Simply put, Inertia is a resistance to change. And why just matter or particles, as Newton said it is a law, it applies to us all.

We all love to resist change. More than just a physical concept to be proved in theorems, It is a state of being. Resistance to any sort of suggested change is a mindset, and requires an enormous amount of effort to even acknowledge that our circumstances are such that they require change and we are resisting the change. And a far more tremendous force is required to begin the changes that are required.

That explains, why anything and everything in the universe prefers to resist change. But then, if you look around yourself, you will notice that inspite of Inertia, CHANGE does happen. Both in the world of living and non living.

Lives move on. People change, grow old, die and babies are born.

Times change, continents move, rivers change course, seasons come and go.

Change happens.

Despite of inertia, everything is in motion.

Why?

Because, for every action in nature there is an equal and opposite reaction. So for those in rest, there are those in motion. For those in motion, there are those in rest. And the force that is required initially to overcome the resistance or inertia though may be strong, once the change happens very little force is required to continue the process.

When it comes to us human beings, we love to be in a state of minimal mental discomfort. So, in our case the inertia becomes a resistance to be drawn out of our comfort zone, and the resistance come from initiating the mental thought process, which may take us out of our comfort zone. We my be lying on rock bottom or experiencing a free fall in the skies, but if we manage to convince our minds, that we are comfortable in the state we are in, all the fire in hell will be incapable to move us out of our comfort zone.

Our inertia manifests in our apathy, in our fears, in our silence, in our inability to verbalise, in our unwillingness to make an effort, in our helpless, in our hopelessness. It manifests every time we give up, every time we shut ourselves up, when we think we should speak up. Every time when something makes us uncomfortable and we tell ourselves to ignore that feeling.

And yet, Change happens. 

On one spectrum we see people changing. We see people moving one, overcoming challenges and making a difference. On another spectrum, We also find people who are stuck up, finding it hard to beat their circumstances and give up.

Since, a force is required to overcome Inertia, what is that force, which when present helps us overcome our fears and helps us move on?

I can tell you, that a huge force was required for me to get over my inertia, to get back to writing with this piece, after a span of 2 yrs of not having written a word, to get over the fear that I won't be able to find 10 words to writing this mammoth post.  What moved me?

A need for my soul to communicate, to reach out, to express, to be heard, to be able touch, even if just a few lives beyond mine, and to make a difference, even if just a tiny bit. A need to contribute to the world in proportion to the potential I have within, to get over this feeling of just being and then fading into nothingness. A need to feel alive once again, which comes not by just being, but by experiencing the adrenaline rush when we stand up to our fears.

And yet, for my need to become a force strong enough to overcome my inertia, there was a catalyst that I needed, mine was knowing that I am loved and cared for so much. It is an experience that made me so happy that I wanted to reach out, share my joy by making a difference, even if a tiny bit, with my words, in the lives of others.

This force and the catalyst may be different for each of us, it is the experience that makes us move. So, move on, make yourself restless, take yourself in unknown waters, dare to hold your inertia with it horns and fight it. I promise you, you will discover within yourself words, strengths, ideas and thoughts, you never thought you have within.

                     Challenge yourself. And you Will be stunned by what you find. 

                                      Be the beginning of the change u seek.

                                                           

Clean India - Begin India

Our Prime Minister kick started the 'Clean India' campaign today. And there are no marks, for knowing, that India is not one of the cleanest places in the world, walking on the roads one can find heaps of garbage, litter here and there, public places and toilets stink. To a lot of people throwing garbage on the roadside, spitting or urinating in public places does not seem like a wrong thing at all. People are ok walking past stink, they are fine with dumping religious offerings and Idols in already filthy rivers and water bodies.
            So, the campaign is not just needed but also a welcome attempt to bring a change in the apathetic attitude that citizens have developed towards cleanliness, hygiene and toilet manners.
               And so it came as a shock to me, when I looked at my twitter TL, and found it full of tweets which were sarcastic, cynical and mocking and it was the same story on electronic media. Some were skeptical whether it would work at all, because Indian mentality is so prone to be unclean. Others were skeptical that it may just end up as another fad. Most terming the campaign as a political gimmick to gather votes. And maybe it is really, a political gimmick. Not a campaign with best of planning, but still it is there to knock us up and out our shells of apathy, to begin doing our bit. But is it not more telling on us as people than the Prime Minister and his politics when all we can see is cynicism in this scheme?

Think.
                                               
Criticising, scoffing, being sarcastic, being cynical that things won't work. That is easy. But standing up for things, that is tough.
                                                  Being indifferent. That is easy. Taking action that is tough and that is why we shrug it off and wait for the next person to do it for us.
                                                  We wait for someone to come and clean up after us. We wait for the next person to remain clean. We will forever keep blaming that government has not provided enough infrastructure to keep cities clean. We will forever keep blaming others that our country, our neighbourhood is not clean, While we keep sitting in our homes, drive around in fancy cars, debate and discuss in our fancy English about the merits and short comings of this campaign on TV and amongst ourselves. But will we ever drop our cynicism to Act? To take onus of our responsibility by doing our bit?

                                             Next time, instead of scoffing, criticising or being indifferent. Act.

If you find someone spitting in public. Stop them. Involve people around you to stop them. And if you find someone stopping people, help them.

If you find someone throwing litter in public stop them. Tell them to take it home and throw it in their dustbin. And do the same yourself. There won't be a need to clean garbage when it is not lying where it should not be.

If you find someone peeing in public, stop them. Ask them how they would feel if someone did the same In front of their house.

If you find the person before you forgot to flush and leave the toilet seat clean. Tell them so.

If you can't find a dustbin around your locality, go buy one and contribute to the society. The RWA's can take initiative and collect contributions to set up dust-bins around their societies.

Recycle whatever you can, search ideas on Internet. Reuse Garbage, Reduce Garbage.

There are so many puja pandals that are made every years with expenses ranging in Crores, requiring lot of permits from MCD. Why not give half that money to Sulabh for toilets? Or to MCD to build toilets and better garbage disposal system?

And Government should come up with better garbage collection and disposal chain. It should provide health protection gears to all the workers involved in this work. It should begin working on constructing not just public toilets, but maintaing them.

These are just few things that do not involve government, they can be done simply by us. There are maybe thousand other suggestions and initiatives which each one of us can come up with, if we leave out our cynicism and decide to do something about the problem. But for that we first have to acknowledge that problem exists. Which is what this campaign is about, it is about changing our attitude from,  It is ok to be surrounded with filth because this is India to It is a problem and it is no longer acceptable in India, and by us by virtue of being Indians, because it is our home.

It is time to put down your excuses, and do whatever you can to do your bit for a Clean India except cribbing.

Enough?

I want more, And I am shameless enough to say that.
More from myself, from people around me, from my relationships, from life itself.
I want better, And again, I am shameless enough to say so.
Better from myself, from whatever I am doing, wherever I am.

One wonders, if that leads to a constant state of discontent and struggle, Maybe, but there is another side of the coin, and that is,

Unless, I want more or seek better, I will not empower myself enough to get more or to get better.

I have learnt to tell those who call me a cribber, that I am a seeker and I have no intentions of stopping.
I have learnt to tell those who tell me to count my blessings and be happy with them, that I want to keep adding to my count, and not just adding but also to share and spread my blessings.

Because, there is nothing stronger in the world, than the will of a person, And no one knows this better than human race, the power that lies in the will of  a human being to survive, to seek more, to make things better, our civilization where it is now, owes it to the will of those who were not willing to have just enough.

So, do not let anyone, set a limit on your dreams, on what you seek, on the distances you want to travel, the heights that you want to scale. Be the one to define yourself. Be the one to set your limits.

I Believe...

                               When you live with the consequences of your choices.
                          Reminding you everyday what a lousy choice maker you are.
                                                                        That,
                        is when you have no alternative but to learn to laugh at your mistakes
                                                                       and
                     to do whatever it takes, to let them remain lousy for as little while as you can.
                                       This is what separates winners from whiners.

I have been whining for a while, trying to figure out how to turn my lousy choices into less lousy ones. I have not managed to make much headway so far, and I am lost and weary, but the silver lining is, I am still far from giving up, because the road for ever goes on

Be

I have been missing from this space. This is a fact.

I doubt anyone noticed my absence because I am probably the only one who bothers checking out this space. This is an assumption.

Facts and Assumptions.

Our lives are contained within the premise of these two words.

Paths we choose

Journeys we take

Decisions we make

The stories that our lives become,

Are penned 

In the ink of these Facts and Assumptions.

And yet when it comes to stocking up our facts and making our assumptions

We hardly deliberate

run amok with emotions

we rush.

We rush to gather our facts

We hasten to make our assumptions

And

then we wonder, how come we ended up as and where we did.

Breathe

Hold your breath for a moment

And 

For the length of that breath

Hold 

Yourself Still

Be

Just be

In the length of that moment 

Allow yourself  to just Be.

How long has it been since you have done this?

Been in just the moment?

Celebrated being just alive?

How long has it been, since you have found joy in just your own existence?

Not in your accomplishments, 

But 

In just being you.

In this race against time

Life has become a list of things to do

When was the last time, you gave in to the impromptu?

Laughed without a care

Breathed instead of sighed

Let go your fears

Cry

Laugh

Rejuvenate

Feel

Celebrate

Live

2014

2014

It scares me, this year to come, I am afraid of the uncertainty, of the fog that lays before me, blinding me, my road is lost and I am wandering groping in dark.

It is scary isn't it? But the one lesson that I have learnt over the last year was, to move, no matter what it takes, no matter where u lay the next step, no mater where the next step takes you, the most important thing is to keep moving on, because standing still is definitely not taking you anywhere.

So with all my fears, my despair, I am choosing to keep moving, to take tiny little steps, silently hoping that I may eventually find my way through the fog. I wish for strength, the strength to hold on, to persevere on, to not be overwhelmed, to pursue my dreams and to bring them true.

And 2014 did begin absurdly for me, but then it just got better, I was on a vacation in koh samui, got drunk and lost in the madness of New Year celebrations, was furious with my friend, apologised for my behaviour, but can't yet stop kicking myself in the butt for having been rude and unkind. See what I meant, when I said, this year scares me, it gives me jitters, to the extent that it has left me sleepless with night terrors.

But like my friend pointed out, it can't get worse than it already is, so maybe it will only get better. I will say Amen to that and work to make it better.

So 2014, let us get on, you and I have a lot that we need to accomplish together,

To begin with let us get on with focusing on finding the next best career move (moving abroad and maybe a change of career)
Along with that more travel, because the only way to get over travelling is to get on with travelling more, I have in my itinerary Northeast, Hampi, Leh (again!), Palau, Greece, Turkey and Australia.
To cook and read about cooking more, reading and getting more creatively active and finishing off my 2013 travelogue.

So, dear life, I begin this year, afraid, yet with determination to see myself through the challenges that u have in store for me, I wish, only, for courage and strength to see myself through, for ray of light
when I feel dark within, for a nudge when I am sinking down, for a kick in the butt when you deem it fit and a bang on my head when it needs one, in return I promise not to let you down and give up. I promise to give you the best of me and to make the most of what I have been given. I promise to become a better person than I am (I will begin with that by saying, how sorry I still feel about having been rude and harsh to my friend, hopefully I can make up for it someday).

I promise, to do the most wonderful thing that there is to do - To live, not just survive, but to be truly madly deeply alive, kicking and laughing.

In words - The year that was

As the new year is waiting around the corner, to sneak upon me, with only it knows what, and I prepare to embrace it with all it's uncertainty, I am taking a moment to breathe, to hold on to 2013, before I let go.

Letting go, not an easy thing to do, but when you think of it, it isn't easy to be let off either. Sad isn't it to be forgotten, left behind as life moves on. I believe this is the thought that lies behind make farewells a happy occasion, to make the awful feeling that comes with goodbyes better. And so I shall bid a jolly good bye to 2013, by reminiscing all the lovely memories I owe it.

I began the year with a few unspoken resolutions, like the resolution to travel somewhere every month or atleast once in two months or the resolution to improve my cooking skills and knowledge or the resolution to work on self improvement, the resolution to swim more etc etc. To begin with, working on each of them was tough, but persistence and patience, these two words my dear readers, if u get the hang of them, can make a difference in your life like none. Not that I have gotten a hang of them, but I get the idea.

So, I travelled, and to my own amazement, roads began opening, sometimes I would find ways, sometimes ways found me - Goa, Leh, Ladakh, Beijing, San Francisco, Napa, Berkeley, Saint Augustine, Orlando, Miami, Keywest, Saint Petersberg, Tampa, NewYork, Koh Samui, Bangkok- cities ticked off from the travel map, Yes, but more than that, experiences gained, lessons learnt, realizations gained, life experienced, fears conquered.

I cooked, read about food, tasted and again, learnt - Magic can be found within the simplest of things, food teaches u this, not just this, it teaches you to love, to care, to appreciate what you have.

Swimming, it teaches u the value of stillness, to float within the moment, to be able not to chase nor look back. To experience what is. To reach and find peace within, before trying to search for it outside, and though I am not even half way through making peace with myself, I am learning.

Life, people within it, every moment it comes with, has so much for us, to learn, to grow and leave
behind our distinct imprints, if only we are willing, willing to open our hearts, our minds and ourselves.

2013 has taught me a lot, and hopefully it leaves behind in me a better person, a stronger person, filled with ideas and energy to make the year to come an even more fulfilling and fun filled experience.

Moments, that are worth a lifetime, in one lifetime. What more can one ask for? A lot, I know, being human our wants know no end, but despite that, I bid adieu to another year in the calendar of my life on a content, joyful and thankful note. 

                                                 Happy New Year

Thank you

Merry Christmas!!

Christmas is a crazy time of the year for me. I love it, it fills my heart with joy and yet it is the time of the year when I find my heart filled with a sadness that I can never explain. My being aches with a silent pain, that only my heart can understand. I wade through despair and yet before the midnight strikes, the joy which is essence of this tradition rescues me.

The essence of Christmas is joy, the joy that comes from sharing, from opening our lives and hearts for those around us and also from receiving and finding ourselves surrounded with love, care and people. It is all this that makes life so much more fuller, enriched and happier. And It is the absence of this feeling which makes my heart ache. The empty feeling that comes with a lonely existence.

And every year, this is the feeling that strikes me as the Christmas season starts, and every year secretly in my heart, this is all I wish for, when I ask, that I may be able to experience the spirit of Christmas. And even though year after year, I end up being all by myself on Christmas, I end up finding within my heart joy, joy when I remember, all that I have to be thankful for, just as I did this year.

Being thankful, for a wonderful year of travel, of experiences that I shall forever cherish, for memories that shall drive the winter away from my heart, whenever it strikes. Thankful for all that I was given by life unasked. For the warmth of my bed, while there are so many out there who lie shivering in the cold, for a full meal, while countless sleep hungry, for clothes on my body, shoes in feet, for a family, for health.

Thank you life for all this and so much more that I have. And, all I wish for, is for enough strength in being and enough joy in my heart to be able to makes the most of what I have been blessed with, to make life more blissful for those around me.

And, so like every year, I ask from Dear Santa, bless me with love, joy, travel, ability to dream and the strength to bring true those dreams. Fill my stocking with all that u have in store for me so that I
can make every moment that I have of this lifetime meaningful. Give to my loved ones, family and friends all that they wish for and much more. May life take care of them always and may love never leave them alone.

                                        Merry Christmas! may you find within your hearts the spirit of Christmas and in your lives the joy of being. Good tidings to you, wherever you are, whoever you are.

Travelogue - Experiences

I have been travelling since the last two weeks. Boy! What a time I have been having.

Beijing, San Francisco, Napa, Sonoma, Berkeley, Saint Augustine, Orlando so far and the list will grow over the coming weeks.

I have seen, read, heard, talked, experienced so much in terms of cultures, people, food, life that I am still soaking it all in. I had promised myself a daily record, and even though I am working on it, I am just on day one, I am going to try and find time to get the words on the paper before they start fading away.
But even if the words fade away, the stories won't be entirely lost, they will remain in pictures, experiences, feelings and memories.....

A sneak peek into the experiences -

Beijing - a myth busted, china explored, cultural contrasts, colours, The Great Wall, a new sensual awakening.

San Francisco - found  myself again, rediscovered the traveller, explorer and entrepreneur in me. Faced my fears, struggled and got beyond them. Found my crazy un contained, uncontrolled source of energy back while falling in love with this city.

Napa and Sonoma - a sensual delight. The lovely colours of autumn, the fairy tale houses, wineries and vineyards. The poet within me was awakened again.

Berkeley - quiet city. Churning within it's urn countless minds. Oh! Didn't I feel as if the slate of my mind
had been wiped clean and I was ready to begin again. To start afresh, to become a student again.

Saint Augustine - took me to Spain and Mexico, partying on the road, sound of music wafting through the street, the care free aroma of the weekend in the air, pitchers of sangria and Latin music. A long drive in a convertible with wind blowing through your hairs. What more does one want from a weekend.

Orlando - quiet laid back, city of lakes and Disney ( as everyone keeps telling me) , a little time of hibernation before I let loose the wanderer within again.

                        As I travel I find again the bits of me that I had lost to this world.
          We travellers, we are a strange breed - Finders Keepers. Treasure seekers. Treasure keepers.

Begin Again - US travelogue

Yet again I find myself sitting at the airport, waiting to begin another journey and wondering in my mind, why am I doing this?

This is the most exasperating part of the whole journey, as far as I am concerned. More exasperating than all the crazy planning, bookings, budgeting, convincing the family, applying for leaves blah blah (the usual list of a frequent traveller's rants).  It is especially exasperating and annoying when you have spent over 3 months planning for the trip, only to find yourself sitting plagued with self-doubt, questioning your own motives.

Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh. It is exasperating. This is the moment before every trip when all my euphoria, excitement and lust for travel disappears and is replaced by the black hole of worries about all the things that can go wrong on the journey, worries about having burnt my hard earned bank balance on probably a pain in ass ( I mean the journey and discomforts that come along with being away from the comforts of home), worries about missing my flight, forgetting my passport (these are the few reasonable ones but there are absolutely hilarious ones as well) worries about family, my patients and what not.

It is no wonder people find me in absolute tatters at the start of my travels, and if I were to ever marry I am sure my husband would send me on vacations just to enjoy watching me in this state of absolute discomfort.

And this makes me wonder if this anxiety comes to me because I am not a natural traveller. It is a
passion that I have acquired. It also makes me wonder how I have let myself become a puppet to my fears and my limits.

So, I am off for a month long vacation, beginning with Beijing to San Francisco to Florida to New York before I get back home. And yes, even though I can hardly figure out all the things that I planned to do, maybe it is a good thing, because then when I begin I will no longer be slave to planning. Instead I will have fun exploring, discovering, learning, testing myself in the waters beyond my comfort zone, in short tasting life as it is.

And it is worth it. This experience with all it's worries and hassles and mental and physical stress because it is a reminder of the limits that we have set for ourselves and how it is important to push ourselves beyond those limits and that unless we do, we shall end up limiting ourselves into a tiny shell, while there is huge wide world which is still awaiting to be explored, paths that yet lie untrodden, lives yet untouched, our stories yet incomplete, awaiting to be written, while we let our courage become a hostage of our fears and the limits they confine us to.

I travel to break these limits.

And this time I am going to keep a daily travelogue of my journey to share my experience. Feel free to drop in your suggestions, feedback or just amuse yourself with my crazy writing.

This and That

As usual a lot of this and a lot of that. This is what happens when u finally get down to writing after having not written for a while, You don't know where to begin, and yet there is so much to tell, because life as we all know is a non stop motion picture.

To begin with, I have been busy, well who is not, but I guess I derive pleasure out of saying so, because it gives me the feeling that I have been upto something constructive rather than lying idle. Yep but I really was more busy than usual, taking care of the patients I get paid to take care and at the same time being a care taker for elders who are my duty.
                                     And while I was playing the role of care taker, I realised how scary it must be for old people in the age, when they need to be taken care off, to find themselves alone and maybe feeling helpless. Just imagining that was scary for me and my heart bled to think how people deal with that. For our elders, in the prime of their age, having someone by their side, may not be essential for financial or physical support, rather for emotional strength and to know that no matter what, they are not going to be alone, that there is and that there will be someone there for them no matter what. And this is what I was doing for my aunt and uncle, who have always been there for me all the while whenever I needed them, being by their side, when they need me, so that they may not have to experience that scary feeling. But having dealt with all that I am a stronger person, because if they could be so strong and face life with such strength at their age, I can definitely deal with life and whatever it has to throw my way. In a way, even in their moment of weakness they have given me more than I could ask for, a renewed strength. I am a better person and better professional.

I also wondered about the concept of family, and though I realise the significance of the concept better, I really can not begin to wrap my mind around it. At the same time I have known so many people to leave their aged to fend for themselves or ignore them. I wish such people would know, the nature of their error.

That aside, I have been busy planning my trip to US, reading, researching, finalising. And after all  this I can tell u travel is a full time job in itself. But then there is the thrill of seeing new places, having new experiences, meeting my favourite set of people and spending time with them, at the same time trying new activities that I have been wanting to do.

I am looking forward to taking care of my uncle and aunt and travelling and studying and trying my hands at new activities. Now I will get back to being busy again and be back soon with more updates.        Till then live, spread love and most importantly be kind, especially to those who do not ask for your kindness but need it, let the humane instincts which make you humans guide you.

The Demons and Me

Those of you who have been reading my posts will remember, how these days I am busy dealing with my demons, in regular words, my fears and insecurities. And by Jove! There are so many of them. Since it would be too difficult talking about all of them in one post, Instead of talking about them, I will talk about all that I have learnt while struggling with those demons.

I am my own worst critic, or atleast I used to be. When I say that I do not mean, that I am going to ignore them or refuse to deal with them, it's just that I no longer beat myself about them. I have learnt, that not all is right with us, we each of us have our own little (at times not so little) faults, but more important, than berating ourselves about them or creating contraptions to hide them ( which is exactly what we do most of the time) is to acknowledge them and then to work hard to get rid of them. 

I started by beginning to love myself and by standing up for myself. That is the most important thing we can do for ourselves and we should. Because even in the worst of us, there is something special, and that special is what sets us apart from the crowd and that special is what needs to be acknowledge and nurtured. And for that to happen we have to nurture ourselves, with love, with friendship, with knowledge, with curiosity, with the right kind of people. And so did I. (Tip - In life and in love, surround yourself with people who instead of simply accepting you for who you are, make you want to become better than who you are)

And, as I began nurturing myself, I realised that most of us in life, spend a lot of time doing things we don't feel like doing, for the sake of people who are just as clueless about life as we are and yet we make the mistake of taking their word for our lives!!! Lesson learnt - listen, keep those eyes and ears open to the world, but in the end do what u feel is right. Never compromise your joy to do things that make u unhappy to make others happy. Because in the long run, unless you are happy doing what what you are doing, that joy will never come.

And so, yes I am willing to make adjustments and do things for people who I care about, which I otherwise won't, but when those adjustments start making my life miserable or when people start taking my efforts for granted, that is the time I will stand up for myself and say ENOUGH. No matter who the person be, no matter how much they may mean to me, because the most important person for me is ME.

My rage, yes I began dealing with it too, I began looking past it. I realised the reason why I end up having to deal with the rage is, because I in the first place, fail to check the cause of that rage right in the beginning, at times because I am being too polite, at others because I do not want to hurt people's feeling or at times because I really don't know how to put in words what I am feeling ( because I am socially retarded) and in the end all that accumulated irritation bursts out in the form of rage, which hurts not only me, but also my relationships. So, I have begun, by becoming vocal about my issues with those concerned and I am beginning to kill the Damn rage. Communication is a very important thing, listening to people who matter and trying to understand what they are trying to communicate is the key for successful and strong relationships. It may not be as easy it seems, but it is not difficult either.

More than often I find myself jealous of certain people and it was one thing that really used to bother me. because Jealousy is one of the most down graded emotions that exist, and it was a relief when I figured out that it was infact not jealousy that I feel, it's envy. I envy people, who in their lives have found what they love doing and are in pursuit of that, I do so because I am so lost and clueless about exactly what is it that would give me joy, joy of having done atleast something meaningful, to have made atleast a little difference in this world through my existence. The fact that I am yet to figure that out makes me miserable. (You would wonder that being a doctor I am saying this, but this is as true as it can get)

Enough for a post I believe, so the scores at the end of round 1 - Demons 0 (Ugh) Me 1 (Yay)  

Oops before I forget to share, I have finally begun working on my personal project of this year, that is, To cook atleast one dish expertly everyday, and I am making good progress. So far have made tomato bruschetta, garden veggie burger, hummus, chocolate fudge cake, lemon diva cake, spring rolls, samosas, penne arrabiatta, paneer tikka, vegetable pulao, baby corn masala and no bake almond chocolate brownies, will start blogging about my food experiment soon.

And I am planning a trip again. So, till the next time you hear from, do take good care of yourself and shower your love around and on ME ;). 

Facing The Demons

As children we were all afraid of the dark, afraid of the monsters that might be lurking behind the veil of darkness. Weren't we?

But Growing up we have all managed to bury that fear of darkness, but did we manage to bury those monsters we were afraid off as well?

I have often wondered what were those monsters really? Were they just a figment of our childish imagination or something just more than that. I believe they were more than just creatures from horror stories brought alive by our imagination. They were infact our own fears, our own demons disguised as the characters that scared us in our stories. It wasn't exactly the dark that scared us, it was the fear of the unknown that lay behind that darkness, the feeling of not having our parents next to us in that unknown, the uncertainty of it all, that scared us.

The monsters were just an elaborate disguise employed by human mind to hide it's own vulnerability.  And it continues to play the game as we grow, we keep avoiding facing the actual fears that bother us, our fallings. Instead we use our egos to bury them, we create elaborate bubbles to give ourselves a false notion of security, to escape from facing the real monsters.

But as the saying goes ' You can run, but you can never hide. ' For peace to come into our lives, we have to walk past the veil of that darkness, we have to come face to face with those demons we have been trying to outrun. We have to look beyond our ego, break through our bubble and face the dark side of us, to find our way through and Unless we do that, we will never find ourselves at peace, because even though this Mind of our plays these elaborate games to hide it's weaknesses, it still wishes to get rid of them, otherwise it would never have created those demons that tormented us.

This is what I have been upto off late, Standing upto my demons, taking them by their horns and beating them down. The main problem one faces is this initial resistance to begin. An inertia, And at that, Inertia of the being and Inertia of those surrounding the being, both together being a formidable force. I am beginning to break past that force, but there is still a long way to go and I am not sure if I will be able to make it to the end, but I sure as hell am going to try my best.

Enough for one post I guess, I will let u have a sneak peek at some of my demons in the next post.

Travelogue - Leh Ladakh 2013 - Part 1

Julley!!! ( pronounced Ju-leyy)

You might be in midst of exploring some of the countless palaces or monasteries or trekking somewhere in the wilderness or enjoying a solitary walk in the lanes of some village, and suddenly you will find yourself being greeted by the musical sound of this traditional ladakhi welcome greeting by a perfect stranger, followed by an irresistible heart warming smile, which in an instant will have touched and won your heart and you will no longer feel like a stranger in some distant land.

Nowhere, in your interactions will you find traces of any bitterness left from having toiled against one of the harshest terrain and cold environment for survival (the temperature I was told drops down to -45 degrees in winters, which last from September till March). In fact,The warmth in the smile and the greeting and the hearts of these simple, hard working, kind and honest people only radiates a certain joy, the joy probably of having beaten and survived the battle against cruel conditions of weather and environment (where lesser mortals, at least mortals like me would have failed to survive.)

There is some magic in the air of this region (of course it's free of pollution, which to our city dwelling lungs is magical in itself), It's probably this joy and the feeling of having made peace with what they have, that flows in the air, coupled with great work that nature has done in every nook and corner which makes this place so enchanting.

For 8 days, disconnected from the rest of the world, I wandered around lost in the lanes of leh and valleys of ladakh, sometimes trekking in the villages, exploring places and in the process discovering hidden gems of beauties, enjoying random encounters and conversations with locals and travelers, feeling stunned by the vast enormity and diversity of this treasure trove of landscapes.


                                        A sneak peek of the dealights of Leh and Ladakh

The valleys

The mountains

Sculptures in Snow

River basins

Sand-dunes

General Information -

Ladakh located in India, is a part of the State of Jammu and Kashmir, with it's capital being Leh. Situated at an altitude of about 10000 feet, it is surrounded by the Himalayas, Ladakh and Zanskar range, and is a cold arid desert, it's land locked position leading to lack of rains, and is fed mainly by streams from glaciers and rivers like Indus, Zanskar, Nubra and Shyok. The temperature varies from -40 in winters to 3-25 degrees in summers. Summer season in Ladakh is from June to July end, winters begin from October lasting till March end. It's geography is responsible for the vast variety in it's topography ranging from fertile valleys to grasslands to sand dune covered desert to bare mountains to snow covered peaks.

The best time to visit is from June till September ( you can go in April or may, but the weather around that time is pretty unpredictable and may play spoil sport with your plans) You can reach leh, either by driving in through, Manali-leh or Srinagar leh highways (when they open, information of which is available here http://leh.nic.in/ ) These routes known for their scenic delights, at places are also back-breakingly bad and take about 30-36 hrs but the drive helps in acclamatisation, which will save you from Acute mountain sickness (AMS) but if u wish to spare your back the strain and time, you can take a flight to leh, some cities connected directly or through connecting flights by operators like Go air, Jet or Indian airlines (flights schedules depend on the weather conditions). For local advice, help or organising your trip you can check out http://www.zanskar.com/our-team I interacted with Tsewang Namgyal in this organisation, who was incharge of organising the transportation for my trip and did a great job. (And my interaction with a lot of locals left me wiser with the knowledge that it's better to organise the trip directly through local operators.)

While planning my trip, I studied AMS a lot, literature suggests taking Diamox 48 hrs before reaching and 24 hrs or longer after arrival depending upon individual response. I tried and along with Diamox avoided exertion and altitude for the first 24 hrs alongwith lot of sleep and water and Viola! no AMS. But please consult your doctor before taking this medicine and under no circumstances take this medication without medical advice. Do carry warm clothes, sunscreen, lip guards, sunglasses, chargers, extra camera batteries, torch (as electricity is pretty irregular).

Leh town is a regular town where u will be able to find packaged food, bottled mineral water, ATM, basic medicines and a lot of trekking stuff due to popularity of treks among travelers. Do carry all your required medications, along with medications for headache, nausea and vomiting. Pre-paid sim-cards from outside of the state of Jammu and Kashmir do not work here, amongst the post-paid connections only BSNL, Airtel and occasionally Vodafone offer connectivity, local connections take at least a week to get activated, so do carry a post-paid sim unless of course like me you would prefer to remain disconnected. Hotels and local cyber cafe provide wi-fi and internet connectivity.

Enough for one post, I shall share my experiences and adventures in the posts to come, till then explore ladakh online, let it work it's charm on you and it's magic entice you, till you are moved enough to experience it and it will be a worthwhile experience.

                                                    In my case it was a Bucket list experience.

The Experience

This and That

Not that anyone would have missed my little chit-chat on the blog, but still as a responsible writer it becomes my duty to dwell a bit on my absence, but U are in luck, as there isn't a very long explanation, simply, that I did not have much to say and the writer's block left me paralysed to write about whatever little there was to talk about.

Coming to This and That - since I have been silent for so long, there is a lot of both to write about.

So,just when I got the hang of swimming, I had to put the sessions on hold, Sigh, but I'll be starting up pretty soon.

Work, studies and worries have been occupying most of time, which brought me to wonder, if man has really managed to evolve from the chimpanzee state?
                               The amount of time we spend making a monkey of ourselves about things like job, money, family, love, the right time for this, wrong time for that, about choices to be made, plans to be set, about minutes, days, months and years that are yet to come, while we are unsure of even making it alive into the next moment, really makes me wonder, if are just stuck in a stage of evolution and are just simply highly evolved apes ( food for thought ).
                                Has this compulsion to be able to get in control of future engulfed our present? And the peace that comes with being able to hang in the moment? Do u ever stop in your track and wonder how many such moments we have lost and have become a meaningless torrent of past in our lives? Is this worry to have money, a secure job, the right person so that our tomorrow is better than today, too much in terms of opportunity cost? I have been wondering, but of course it's important to think about this, no denying about that, but is it worth while to let our lives be driven by this worry into a meaningless and endless frenzy? ( questions, questions, questions )

While I worry endlessly about the rest, I am also worried about something more important - ME.
I have been working on self-improvement, identifying the flaws that I have, working on them, trying to get rid of them. Not an easy job, I tell u, but If there is one good thing about me, it's I don't give up.

My anger streak - I have a terrible one, it's this cycle, I become angry, I go quiet and calm, I mull things in my mind, then I explode ( sometimes the last three steps don't set in and I just explode, that's even more dangerous ), then I regret, I analyse, I understand, how things came to be, how could I  have reacted in a less explosive manner and I learn and peace sets in. Even though it's a tedious process and I am getting better at it, I still loose it at times. Ugh ugh ugh.

 I hate it especially when this happens with mom or dad, I know they love me, I know they can't help saying and doing what they do and I know it will be difficult for us to find a common understanding, but they do what they do purely for the love of me, I won't ever find such precious selfless love ever in my life, and yet I tend to loose it most often with them than with any one else. Or maybe it's like they say, we can fight only with the one's we love most, whatever, I am learning.

I am learning to become humble, to be thankful and appreciative of what I have, every night I feel grateful for my family, for still having them around, thankful to them for doing all that they do for me. I am trying to be less selfish.

Also, I am learning to let go, people who are not worth my while, relationships that are redundant, I am teaching myself, that it's ok to move on, painful but needful and that it's not necessary to know why. I have closed doors on a quiet a few people this year, but I refuse to be treated less than my worth. ( I am sorry if one of you, reading this post, are those people, but if u will look carefully, the       door is not locked, u just need to turn the knob and open it )

I am learning that sometimes instead of getting distraught, we need to buck up our asses and sit it out, patience, the game at which I suck, is actually the key that holds a lot of answers, if only u are able to
Endure the test of time it takes, without giving yourself gastric ulcers, I just seem to lack it absolutely.

And I still haven't managed to tell him that I love him ( did not find any decent window of opportunity) I still want to badly tell him, and while I wait for my window, I am playing does he love, no can he, no maybe he loves me, me be he does not, well it does not matter if he does or does not, I just want him to know that I do, he can choose to do whatever he wishes with the knowledge. Because from what believe, when u love someone tell them, to not share such a beautiful feeling with the one who led to experience the joy of being in love, is a collossal waste.

                                                                And,
only for the perseverant reader who has made this far, I am going travelling again, to Leh and Ladakh, few days far away from civilisation and communication, all by myself, to that land that many call heaven on earth.

I will be back with my travelogue when I get back, till then, it's back to silence, as stillness goes wandering again.

Sunday

It's Sunday morning, I am done with my morning swim,  and now while it lasts and while I can I am sitting and letting the Sunday morning feeling seep in. I am looking around in the closet of my memory, searching for a poem or a song that would echo in words, the feeling that a Sunday morning brings along, I can't seem to find any.

Googled, well google may know the answers to the questions of mind, but when it comes to quenching  the queries arising from the musings of the heart, even, poor google stands not a chance.

So, still in search of my Sunday morning poem or song, my thoughts have gone wandering,

Here is one, which has trailed down, the green countryside on a bicycle, found a meadow, with a glorious bunch of flowers in spring, while it is hot summer all around, it can hear the wind sing, and a distant bird or two chime in, while it lays down and drifts slowly away into a dream, enjoying the bounties that have been laid out by nature for the soul to let go all the cares and find for itself a little rest.

Here is another thought, that has found itself waking up in an unknown bed, listening to the peaceful silence, with a mental sigh of relief that, the silence won't be broken unless sought, slowly it walks out of bed and around, pouring for itself a glass of fresh orange juice, while breathing in the calm of being far away from the chase, for a moment it closes again it's eyes, and then it walks out greeting the sun, switching on a playlist it goes out on the run, winding up in a roadside cafe for a brunch.

Here is another one, which has woken up and found itself lying in his arms, kissed his quietly sleeping form, before being playfully taken into his arms and finally ending up full of laughter in a playful tussle. Waking up to the day, with countless plans that may or may not become, but the promise of fun.

Here is another one, all dressed up in an old blue denim, with a mug of coffee, soft strawberry roll, painting a canvas while listening to music playing in the back ground, in between, catching up with the book lying upturned, punctured with a long walk, a sandwich break, walking back while licking a softy cone, and deciding to stand still in a corner of the street while watching life that passes by.

And.....zzzzzzinggggggggggg, the 11 o clock alarm, that had been set, to bring me back from my reverie, into the chaos that life is. And the Magic of Sunday feeling has already been lost in the rush of all the things that are waiting to be done before I rush back to work again.

But, before I rush off, here's the song that I finally found in the memory closet - Ronan Keating's Say Nothing at all.


                      Happy Sunday, my friend, reading this post wherever u are, whoever u are.

Habits

                                                           Swimming has taught me,

                                                                           That,

                                                                Habits, do change.

                                                          I have, for all of my life so far, 

                                                 been a late to bed and late to rise person,

                                     Apart from a few situations of necessity, and even then,

                                                       Waking up early, is a trial for me.

                                                          Not that It was a problem, 

                                                        But, it's not a great habit either,

                                    Especially, when the habit has become bothersome and worrisome.

Worrisome,

Whenever I have to wake up or report for work early or have have something planned up early.

Bothersome, 

Because I don't like to be a slave to a habit, good or bad.

But, 

Even with a lot of effort I was unable to change this habit, 

Till,

I decided to attend swimming sessions in morning rather than evening.

Why? 

I don't know, 

one reason was to avoid the suntan that came with swimming in evening

Another,

That swimming early, left my day free for me to fit in all the rest of the things to do.

And,

Also, that I wanted to give myself good exercise, to stay fit and maintain weight.

And, so, it started,

Me waking up early to attend swimming sessions,

To the amazement of everyone who knows me.

The first few days were a real test of my resolve,

While everyone else was waiting to see, 

How long, before I would give up and quit.

But, then, 

to my own and everyone else's surprise,

It worked!!

By the 7th day, it was easier for me to wake up early

And the residual strain that I used to feel on breaking my sleep early, began disappearing.

Why?

A habit, that school, college and work could not break, was broken by this

I have no clue,

The same ways as I have no clue why I swim,

Yep it's relaxing, but less so for me,

Because I have to continuously fight my fear of drowning while I swim.

Yet for some reason, I continue swimming.

Everyday, out of my schedule I spend 5 mins floating

This is the time when I just relax, let go and listen to the random thoughts just pop up in my mind.

And, sometimes while doing this I get some clarity of thought

Or 

some random realisations,

And it was during one of these moments, that I realised,

Unlike, what is usually believed, that habits once formed are hard to change,

Habits, can change, and easily so,

when provided with a strong or right incentive or motivation.

That, one should always seek change,

Never stop seeking it, because, after all,

Change is the only unchangeable law of nature.

1. 
   

25.3.2013

25.3.2013

Another year has gone by,

Another year has begun,

And as I sit remembering all that has gone

And wishing for all that is yet to come,

I am mulling as much as I am musing :

There is still a lot that I have to learn,

A lot that I have to do and I am yet to begin

Too far to go, and I am just beginning

So little time, it seems, to get so much done

And yet it's only a lifetime that I have

And so much of the time that I had has already gone by.

I am standing listening to the wind,

As it whispers into my ears

The love and blessings that life has to offer.

And it tells me to ask,

Because birthdays are special occasions, it tells me,

They are days when the magic of creation, that led to beginning of a new cycle of life, 

Is alive again, Birthdays are days when prayers asked, from the depth of the being are heard

And so, the wind tells me, Ask.

I stand wondering what is it that I could ask,

I am thankful for what I have been given without even having ever asked for,

I do not know how to pray, so instead I shall ask.

And if I have to ask, then Dear life, I ask

To be blessed, with

The love of the man I love, 

The strength to do the best with the gifts that I have been given

The peaceful joy of fulfillment.

I ask for humility, for patience, for kindness, to be more forgiving, more generous, 

And to become a better person than I already am.

Let me forever remain your child, a student of life.

That is all I ask.